Hello, I would like some advice regarding my understanding of my addiction. I started practicing my focus and mindfulness a few years before a friend showed me this school. After reading as much as I could and listening to the courses here or on youtube on the gnostic students channel, and being satisfied with the concentration aspect of the meditation, I tried to start visualizing my problems and using my imagination to find an explanation or a solution. So my problem is that I've been exposed to pornography at a single digit age, and that eventually evolved into a severe addiction to watching porn and fantasizing about it. After about three years of trial and error, I believe I'm somewhat in control of the addiction, as I've only been conquered by my lust about four times in the last year. Now to truly get rid of it - because even though I know how damaging it is I still fell into the same traps - I think I need to experience and understand it through meditation. The same friend I was talking about above is much more advanced in the practice, and suggested that I try to visualize my addiction. I find it really difficult because when I sit and visualize my problem, I find it's only bringing out lustful images and memories, and my imagination fully succumbs to the ego. How do I approach it? I understand that it's the temptation of the desire body, but how can I use imagination to fix this problem, if I can fix it through imagination. I'm the kind of person who's always using their imagination and I'm visualizing scenarios and events just like kids do so I don't think I can use it here. Also, I truly understand the harmful effects that pornography has on my psyche, but when the ego takes advantage of my diminished willpower, I find it hard to resist. I believe a true understanding can only come through self realization and meditation. Thank you for reading this.
Do practices to improve your concentration so you do not become distracted by tempting images.
But what do I concentrate upon? What do I visualize when deconstructing my addiction? My feelings, my thoughts, my habits, the events usually happening before I give into temptation?
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