"This relationship between sex and mind is also evident in the Gospel, when Jesus says that even when you look at a woman with lust, you have committed adultery, meaning even the idea of it, even the thought of it is a crime, is an abuse of sexual energy. " quoted from the lecture transcripts of "Awakening of the Seed"
I have stopped using the physical orgasm all together, but I have been experiencing an increase in the abuse of my sexual energy in the form of lustful thoughts. Every time I feel confused or frustrated I get thoughts of anger accompanied by many thoughts of lustful imagery and extreme sexual fantasies in my mind. In the blink of an eye, I find myself sabotaging the efforts I have made to awaken consciousness. I have always been eager to learn how to live in the moment, but never pursued any real attempt at this level of awareness.
I try to control my thoughts after they occur. I try to replace the lust with a feeling of innocent compassion, but I feel as if it is only a feigned attempt at something real. The lust grows stronger. I have never attempted to learn how to control these negative processes in order to prevent them all together. I feel like I am missing a large amount of experience from practicing these skills. I have always felt a pull inside me to address this problem. I just never attempted to control it or transform those impulses.
I have many negative types of thoughts so quickly that it catches me off guard. I want to be able to listen to a lecture or do everyday tasks without getting blindsided by anger, hate, or lust. Just being exposed to any phrase containing the word sex can start this process. What can I do to control this? How can I free myself from these burdens in my mind? Please understand that I literally started learning about Gnosis a couple of weeks ago. Until that point I had a girl-friend who encouraged physical orgasm. I broke it off because she was not willing to consider that the orgasm could be part of the problem. No information is too fundamental because I am a blind man-child lost in the wilderness without any personal knowledge, guidance, or experience. Any information you can provide will help me more than you know.