Sunday, 05 February 2012
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<p>Last month I was taken down a path that lead me to the Nag Hammadi Scriptures and other esoteric teachings. While sitting and studying Gospel of Thomas, I was looking to find some hint to what the 3 word Jesus spoke to Thomas in secret might be. I came across a commentary that spoke of the 3 words Kaulauka, Saulausa, Zeesa and began to research them. As I was researching them I began to feel what I could only describe as an "orgasm type" feeling between my genitals and anus and pressure around the area internally. The sensation remained until I slept that night. The next day I telling my wife about the experience and the sensation returned. I began looking into Gnostic meditation and when I started to practice it the sensation grew stronger in my lower body and eventually spread to my upper body as well but to a lesser intensity. After about a week of meditating every day, I started to meditate more. I am certain that what I was experiencing was what Christ described as the Holy Spirit. I was laying in bed reading the Essene Gospel of Peace and suddenly I began to experience the most intense full body "orgasm type" sensation. It was completely overwhelming me. I actually began to have a physical reaction to it because it was so intense, my throat began to close up and my chest got extremely tight. I was afraid I was going to freak out so I meditated on a candle and was able to calm down. However, I think I hindered the process of something very special. A night or two after this happened I was laying in bed and I began to meditate. I heard a whisper say "we have lost another who hungers..." Immediately my eyes opened and I didn't know if I was sleeping but I didn't feel as though I had awoken from sleep. I was much more alert than that. This disturbed me because I didn't know what it meant. As time goes on I am having more and more problems meditating. It seems I just keep thinking about other people and I want them to know about what I have experienced but the more time goes on the less I can feel what I have been feeling. I did begin to have cold or flu like symptoms after the extreme full body experience. I have read about others having similar experiences which they have deemed a Kundalini awakening, but others experiences seem more extreme than mine was. Did I stop something that I can never again experience? It seems it is the only thing I want anymore. My whole life I have had extreme anger problems and lust-fullness but it seems after these experiences they have completely disappeared. I'm also learning more about the transmutation of sexual energy and I believe this is part of what I experienced but my wife and I made love recently and before I knew what it meant I allowed myself to spill seed. Have I ruined my chances of reaching a full awakening? I feel I have done a terrible thing and have wasted a wonderful gift. Everything I have experienced I didn't learn what it meant until after it happened. I have to believe that I am just going through a learning phase and that I can reach an even higher level of gnosis when I am ready, but I have nobody to turn to in my life for these questions. Can I get back on the path or have I wasted my chance?<br /> <br /> Thank you in advance. Peace be with you.</p>
10 years ago
·
#530
Accepted Answer
Even the worst sinner can be redeemed, thus, so long as you sincerely make effort to change, you will be helped along. Study the teachings deeply so that you can apply the teachings each day as best you can. Our worthiness to proceed is proven through our actions, but until we understand what is harmful and what is beneficial, the possibility of mistakes is high.

"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." - Samael Aun Weor

10 years ago
·
#530
Accepted Answer
Even the worst sinner can be redeemed, thus, so long as you sincerely make effort to change, you will be helped along. Study the teachings deeply so that you can apply the teachings each day as best you can. Our worthiness to proceed is proven through our actions, but until we understand what is harmful and what is beneficial, the possibility of mistakes is high.

"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." - Samael Aun Weor

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