I don't understand, these egos are far too deep, how do I become dedicated in my practices?
This feels so disheartening, I don't understand why I have such a deep aversion to practice, when in periods of my life where i was consistent, I would clearly see the results, and experience awareness in my dreams, and glimpses of astral projection in my meditation, clarity of mind, but most importantly: a type of non-egoic happiness and content with life..
I constantly fight with this, and am always on the losing end... I don't get it.. Why is it so hard to practice consistently?
I feel as my entire existence is a contradiction. I have seen glimpses of the truth, yet I am still completely unchanged.. Still continuing to let myself be enslaved...
It seems as though, everyone I have met in person on this path, deals with this same issue: the only thing holding them back is consistency of meditation and mindfulness practice...
(although of course there are one or two instructors in our centre, which don't seem to have that issue..)
can someone please bring some sort of insight? I feel as though, all my efforts, are always temporary, they are too, just more cycles of my own egos of guilt, self-esteem, pride, ect... repeating..
The teachings always speak of "comprehension" being like GOLD. I feel I need comprehension of the suffering I bring into my life through lack of practice, but the whole paradox is.. in order to arrive at comprehension, one must practice consistently.... So I find myself in a dark corner, trapped in the ego...
Perhaps just small tips? little things i can work with?
Metaphorically, I feel as if I am a baby, crying because he can't run.. when I should be learning how to even stand up, and walk, before lamenting over a running...
Yet, I don't know the basics, of how to bring about a lasting change within myself.. It feels that the ego is the only one attempting to practice, therefore such forces just decay, when the ego of my pride, or guilt have sustained themselves..
This feels so disheartening, I don't understand why I have such a deep aversion to practice, when in periods of my life where i was consistent, I would clearly see the results, and experience awareness in my dreams, and glimpses of astral projection in my meditation, clarity of mind, but most importantly: a type of non-egoic happiness and content with life..
I constantly fight with this, and am always on the losing end... I don't get it.. Why is it so hard to practice consistently?
I feel as my entire existence is a contradiction. I have seen glimpses of the truth, yet I am still completely unchanged.. Still continuing to let myself be enslaved...
It seems as though, everyone I have met in person on this path, deals with this same issue: the only thing holding them back is consistency of meditation and mindfulness practice...
(although of course there are one or two instructors in our centre, which don't seem to have that issue..)
can someone please bring some sort of insight? I feel as though, all my efforts, are always temporary, they are too, just more cycles of my own egos of guilt, self-esteem, pride, ect... repeating..
The teachings always speak of "comprehension" being like GOLD. I feel I need comprehension of the suffering I bring into my life through lack of practice, but the whole paradox is.. in order to arrive at comprehension, one must practice consistently.... So I find myself in a dark corner, trapped in the ego...
Perhaps just small tips? little things i can work with?
Metaphorically, I feel as if I am a baby, crying because he can't run.. when I should be learning how to even stand up, and walk, before lamenting over a running...
Yet, I don't know the basics, of how to bring about a lasting change within myself.. It feels that the ego is the only one attempting to practice, therefore such forces just decay, when the ego of my pride, or guilt have sustained themselves..
Accepted Answer
"Each time that one feels a sudden loss of strength, when the aspirant becomes disillusioned about Gnosis, about the esoteric work, when one loses the enthusiasm and abandons what is best, it is obvious that one has been deceived by some negative “I.”Reflect on this chapter.
Even better, slowly read the whole book.
“Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes.” —Demosthenes
"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." —Samael Aun Weor
"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." —Samael Aun Weor
Accepted Answer
"Each time that one feels a sudden loss of strength, when the aspirant becomes disillusioned about Gnosis, about the esoteric work, when one loses the enthusiasm and abandons what is best, it is obvious that one has been deceived by some negative “I.”Reflect on this chapter.
Even better, slowly read the whole book.
“Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes.” —Demosthenes
"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." —Samael Aun Weor
"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." —Samael Aun Weor
I am posting this in hopes to help anyone whom felt the same way I did, when I wrote that message, hopefully this will help anyone come out of it, as it felt like a very dark place with no escape...
Through prayer, mantra, and yearning, towards the divine mother.. and beginning to write my dreams down again when i wakeup in the morning.. I received the guidance, enough to regain my practices, in a dream I had. thanks to mother death.
I forgot her power to summon the exact image, scenario, ect, to push you along.. akthough somtimes in a disturbing way.. such is death.. but it seems like this is the cause of my darkness, I had forgotten her, and was trying to use my "self-will" to practice, without remembrance, and reverence to her..
Without writing my dreams when i wake-up in the morning, I would lose touch, and forget her, over the span of a few days..
While going through the process of studying this chapter, over and over, and really trying to probe it, seemed to have come to a dramatic realization: I have yet to fully comprehend the doctrine of the many "I's..
Every-time I think, I still am confused, and still foolishly assume "I am thinking in myself, and that I am the thought" as it says in this chapter.. This seems to be where I'll have to focus the rest of my meditation practices.. It seems that it may be a very long time of practicing in this way before I can create this separation between OBSERVER, and OBSERVED during my dayly mundane stuff, with mindfulness..
The "mental stance" that I feel helps, in meditation, is to focus on "Where is the next thought" and sit and wait for it. "Where is the next 'i"?" Then, while waiting for its appearance, if one appears, to immediately examine it, dissect it's root, then... let go of it. and wait for the next. I find that if the mind is too fast, and I need it to relax, first I will open with a mantra, for about 10-15 minutes, so my bodies are properly in line and stuff, making the mind much more malleable and controllable.
I think I will have to go back to the basics and study that book, over again, but this time much much much slower, like a chapter per two weeks, every night before i go to sleep.
If you spot something off in my practices here, please point them out, as I am still just learning all of this and I could be making basic errors and not recognize it..
Namaste
Through prayer, mantra, and yearning, towards the divine mother.. and beginning to write my dreams down again when i wakeup in the morning.. I received the guidance, enough to regain my practices, in a dream I had. thanks to mother death.
I forgot her power to summon the exact image, scenario, ect, to push you along.. akthough somtimes in a disturbing way.. such is death.. but it seems like this is the cause of my darkness, I had forgotten her, and was trying to use my "self-will" to practice, without remembrance, and reverence to her..
Without writing my dreams when i wake-up in the morning, I would lose touch, and forget her, over the span of a few days..
While going through the process of studying this chapter, over and over, and really trying to probe it, seemed to have come to a dramatic realization: I have yet to fully comprehend the doctrine of the many "I's..
Every-time I think, I still am confused, and still foolishly assume "I am thinking in myself, and that I am the thought" as it says in this chapter.. This seems to be where I'll have to focus the rest of my meditation practices.. It seems that it may be a very long time of practicing in this way before I can create this separation between OBSERVER, and OBSERVED during my dayly mundane stuff, with mindfulness..
The "mental stance" that I feel helps, in meditation, is to focus on "Where is the next thought" and sit and wait for it. "Where is the next 'i"?" Then, while waiting for its appearance, if one appears, to immediately examine it, dissect it's root, then... let go of it. and wait for the next. I find that if the mind is too fast, and I need it to relax, first I will open with a mantra, for about 10-15 minutes, so my bodies are properly in line and stuff, making the mind much more malleable and controllable.
I think I will have to go back to the basics and study that book, over again, but this time much much much slower, like a chapter per two weeks, every night before i go to sleep.
If you spot something off in my practices here, please point them out, as I am still just learning all of this and I could be making basic errors and not recognize it..
Namaste
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