Thursday, 07 February 2013
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hello instructors and thank you for this opportunity
so i understand that when I have a desire to, say play video games, that is my ego nagging me to feed. When I sit and play that game is it or me or my ego playing. Is it that when I am playing it asleep that is my ego? But if I try playing it awake wouldn't that be similar to black magic b/c i am focusing on a fruitless activity and perhaps awakening that ego?
I believe I have developed a false sense of self observation. Throughout the day I am identified with a certain ego I will say more than 50% of the time, not even counting the other ones. It's an overwhelming sense of exertion that is hard to control once it has begun and it has led to "social anxiety" tendencies. Pretty much has took over my life. Sometime when I try to self observe there is always a chance that i will identify with it and if i do it's a tough battle and usually i remained identified with it for a long period of time afterwards. it's like i have awakened an ego. (I believe it has something to do with being afraid to be afraid and then the cycle happens). It also is completly different from when I am actually self observing, which will happen sporadically when I do it before I "try" to. Please forgive my personal question.
I have read your klipoth teachings in the kabbalah section and it was very helpful and in-sighting. Is there a book out there that describes and teaches about the environment of hell in more detail? I have also read revolution of beelzebub.
P.S. Just wanted to suggest a food blog perhaps of different recipe's of healthy food to make for oneself. and perhaps maybe lectures solely on each 7 deadly sin and then it's virtue.
so i understand that when I have a desire to, say play video games, that is my ego nagging me to feed. When I sit and play that game is it or me or my ego playing. Is it that when I am playing it asleep that is my ego? But if I try playing it awake wouldn't that be similar to black magic b/c i am focusing on a fruitless activity and perhaps awakening that ego?
I believe I have developed a false sense of self observation. Throughout the day I am identified with a certain ego I will say more than 50% of the time, not even counting the other ones. It's an overwhelming sense of exertion that is hard to control once it has begun and it has led to "social anxiety" tendencies. Pretty much has took over my life. Sometime when I try to self observe there is always a chance that i will identify with it and if i do it's a tough battle and usually i remained identified with it for a long period of time afterwards. it's like i have awakened an ego. (I believe it has something to do with being afraid to be afraid and then the cycle happens). It also is completly different from when I am actually self observing, which will happen sporadically when I do it before I "try" to. Please forgive my personal question.
I have read your klipoth teachings in the kabbalah section and it was very helpful and in-sighting. Is there a book out there that describes and teaches about the environment of hell in more detail? I have also read revolution of beelzebub.
P.S. Just wanted to suggest a food blog perhaps of different recipe's of healthy food to make for oneself. and perhaps maybe lectures solely on each 7 deadly sin and then it's virtue.
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This "me" that you experience is your ego.
As for your self-observation, that's something that will come better with practice. I would particularly recommend meditation. Grow accustomed to the practice of separating yourself from your thoughts. Relax yourself. And be not afraid.
I've provided a link below to the first lesson of "Meditation without Exertion." It's available as both an audio lecture and a transcription. You should check it out, whichever version you prefer. And practice. There are five other lessons in that course if you want to continue listening.
Regarding the environment of hell, most of the descriptions that are given of hell are symbolic. My impression, based on limited experience, is that the "environment" is somewhat subjective. You can, however, read more about Hell, if it interests you, in Samael's book Hell, Devil, and Karma, which I've also linked to below. But I would caution you not to let your work be motivated by fear. Hell is real. There is no doubt or ambiguity about that. But the fear of Hell is a hell in itself. Don't let your fear carry you to that place. Find momentum in love and longing for your Innermost, and your Innermost, in love and longing for you, will assist you.
You see, the science behind that is simple. Every time that we have committed an error and created an ego we have created a knot in cosmic flow. Every "I" is a Karmic chain link. When you become angry that is what envelopes you, is that link in the chain, and what you feel and sense in your body, in your heart and in your intellect are all the expressions of that anger, that chain. But what empowers it? What is it that gives that anger the ability to know what the other person is thinking or doing? What is it that gives that anger the capacity of seeing and expressing itself? It is the Consciousness. That anger is just a lens, a filter, over your Consciousness. You empower it. When lust entraps your mind and heart and body, and all you can see and think and feel is lust, what empowers it? You, your self.
That is why the Master Samael said, "Do not say and think and feel that your "I", your ego, is separate from you." It is not. It is you. It is you doing it. That sense of separation between me and my ego is a lie because the one who is feeding and empowering that ego is you. This is something many Gnostics get caught in. They think "I am not my ego, I am my Being!" That is mythomania, that is pride. It is a misconception that keeps them off the path; off the inner path of working on themselves because they think the pride is not themselves. "That lust is not me." Yes, it is. What is trapped in that lust, what expresses through that lust, is you. Free it and you will be free from sufferings.
As for your self-observation, that's something that will come better with practice. I would particularly recommend meditation. Grow accustomed to the practice of separating yourself from your thoughts. Relax yourself. And be not afraid.
I've provided a link below to the first lesson of "Meditation without Exertion." It's available as both an audio lecture and a transcription. You should check it out, whichever version you prefer. And practice. There are five other lessons in that course if you want to continue listening.
Regarding the environment of hell, most of the descriptions that are given of hell are symbolic. My impression, based on limited experience, is that the "environment" is somewhat subjective. You can, however, read more about Hell, if it interests you, in Samael's book Hell, Devil, and Karma, which I've also linked to below. But I would caution you not to let your work be motivated by fear. Hell is real. There is no doubt or ambiguity about that. But the fear of Hell is a hell in itself. Don't let your fear carry you to that place. Find momentum in love and longing for your Innermost, and your Innermost, in love and longing for you, will assist you.
And we don't have a food blog, but we do have a lecture series on Healthy Spirituality. Have you heard them?
Thank you so much for your response.
Your first line kind of gave me a O.O moment. Even tho it is such a basic "understanding" in my intellect. I see that I have been assuming that I knew somethings that I really didn't. I still need to start at the basics and attempt to comprehend the reality of ego. That quote was extremely helpful.
Thank you for that reference to the book it looks like it will be real informative. I was asking because I read somewhere that people organize in hell. So i was wondering if there were like societies down there. I guess I need not worry about that stuff.
Your first line kind of gave me a O.O moment. Even tho it is such a basic "understanding" in my intellect. I see that I have been assuming that I knew somethings that I really didn't. I still need to start at the basics and attempt to comprehend the reality of ego. That quote was extremely helpful.
Thank you for that reference to the book it looks like it will be real informative. I was asking because I read somewhere that people organize in hell. So i was wondering if there were like societies down there. I guess I need not worry about that stuff.
If you find our resources useful and want others to benefit as well, make a donation to Glorian Publishing. Every donation makes a difference.
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