- Afraid of sex;
- Angry at the world.
It didn't help me that in my childhood girls from my school would call me ugly and treat me like vermin, and I was taught by my parents that sex is about animal lust and being evil. I had no other choice other than drown myself in grotesque porn videos, and gore videos, from a young age. Now my "sexual channels" are probably all messed up, and this is why I'm an outcast, filled with extreme OCD. The OCD is so great that living becomes hard, as my mind forces me to perform certain "rituals", and if I don't perform them, she makes threats that something "horrible" will happen to me.
At least my anger has diminished now, but sometimes I still get enraged when I see a couple or an attractive woman. When this happens I get lost in flames from hell that engulf my entire body and existence, a particular world of my own, where only rage, vengeance, and envy exist.
Do you gnostic instructors think I am funny, or disgusting? Would Samael mock me for being such a loser?
Perhaps some people just deserve to be mocked and laughed at. What do you think?
Isn't this what life is about? An eternal back and forth play of vengeance, where the "losers", after their humiliation, sacrifice themselves to destroy everything the "winners" worked so hard to achieve, and the winners, due to their hurt pride, strengthen their hold of oppression over the losers even more?
Why do you try to go against nature and suppress violence? Isn't violence the most natural human quality?
Why do you gnostics support Nietzsche while going against what he preached? If you read his writings, even his earlier works, you will see he would probably agree with the existence of extermination camps and things like that. He 100% supports the right for the powerful to do whatever they want. So he would agree with the holocaust, the holodomor, and all that. Why? Because that is the way of nature, the strong oppressing the weak. So why do you gnostics think the holocaust is bad? Why do you think slavery is bad? Why do you think oppression is bad?
In the same vein, why shouldn't the powerful, the successful, be allowed to mock me, beat me, torture me, or even kidnap me and force me into a concentration camp? Isn't it an "anti-life" approach to try to protect the rights of the weak, disabled, and traumatized? Or whomever society arbitarily deems to be an "outcast"?