Hi instructors, I have a very very serious ego, which I feel might even be worse than lust, because to conquer lust one needs a good sense of urgency.
I do not whatsoever, wether I have exams and I should be preparing, I just dont feel it, until 3 days prior, and I end up not doing as good as I can obviously, I have so many reasons to just be more serious with my life in many ways but again "that bite" or whatever in the heart to act is not there, if it is, it is fleeting and might just go as though someone sucked it out of me. Please how can I get ride of this without actually meditating on this thing, I dont know how in gods name to meditate on this, how many things am I going to meditate on for crying out loud.
There are moments when I have had a good sense of urgency and motivation whatever etc etc, so I try to remember what gave me this motion and I try to implement it now, but its weak...dull...its like a punch from a little baby. What is this? I would like to know what this is, is this a psychological issue? Is this related to ADHD? I am just calm in everything, I hate it...its like my mind is not here, its like im dreaming. And this has put me in a bad place at the moment.