I would like some insight on the current situation I'm in.
I'm currently single but in the process of courting my potential husband. I had an intuitive feeling in my heart that my 10 year old daughter's father (we had parted ways and lost touch for a long time) was to be my husband to practice alchemy with. I followed that intuition and told him about the teachings. I tried to explain as much as possible and have given him one of Samael Aun Weor's books to read. He still doesn't quite understand the teachings exactly but overall he accepts them especially that the orgasm is fornication.
He is a truck driver and is out of town for sometimes 1-2 months at a time usually. I told him to start practicing pranayama and tried my best to explain it to him. I gave him a picture of the 2 pages from The Major Mysteries so he could understand how to do it exactly. He is not putting forth the effort yet to practice and is often swept away by his crazy long days driving. We are not able to court in the appropriate way because we can't spend much time together since he's gone for so long. Sometimes we do talk on the phone though.
I think the situation we are in is a karmic situation (mine and his). Often things go wrong while he's driving and things get off track as if he's stuck, for example, like when he drops off a load the place isn't where it said it was or the place is not ready to receive his load or sometimes even the people aren't there. And for me it's my current living situation with my brother that seems to be karmic. It's a tough situation but I try to be helpful as possible. Often there's much chaos here that it seems like a hell.
I don't yet quite feel love for him I've noticed. In a meditation I did receive some insight on that love must have time to grow to a full blossom so to speak with plenty of sunlight and water. I'm wondering how can we ever allow the love to grow if we can't spend much time together. I've felt that he's not ready to yet get married and I guess that means that I'm not ready either. How can we navigate the karmic situations we are in? Does sacrificing help pay the karma so that we can move forward? Am I even making the right decision? I would like to spend more time with him so I can be sure this is the right decision but that seems impossible right now with our situations.