(Sorry for my poor english speaking)
For years I've been suffering from heavy headaches and insomnia when I try to abandon fornication completely.
It is like my body complains hardly against celibacy, and everytime I really pushed it to the maximum, not fornicating, i experienced a total absence of sleep, reaching to the absurd of not sleeping for 2 days, losing weight and, at the same time, experiencing totally 'mind-blowing' lucid dreams, hearing and seeing very unusual things (stuff I still don't understand completely). Experiences that can be interpreted as jinas or kundalini-related experiences or simply schizophrenic states - I'm not sure.
And I KNOW what Samael Aun Weor says about celibacy, the difference between scientific chastity and mere celibacy, etc
In fact, i think I already read almost ALL the books, over and over, during the last 10 years.
Since I've started to study gnosticism, I've pushed it to this limit (only) 2 times, and on both cases, I guess, I experienced lapses of kundalini awakening (since i was a single celibate) when I wasn't even close from being ready, psychologically, to face it the proper way. I can't describe it in other terms: I've went to the limits of my sanity. I ended up being diagnosed with schizophrenia - on that time -, and suffering a lot for not being able to control myself, my mind, my impulses. I still have some sequels, the headaches are one of them. On the other hand, i think i learned a lo. It is really really sad how I made so many BIG mistakes, hurting myself and those around me at the same time thinking I was being 'revolutionary' and 'living the doctrine of our Lord'.
The thing is. I'm asking you for further instructions on HOW can I remain single, chaste, and not suffer from these health problems, Is there an alternative medicine, exercise, practice or info i could know and prevent it of happening again? I already tried many exercises of sublimation, and they are indispensable but when I start seeing/hearing or just feeling too many things, I do not wish to fall into an abyss of confusion and despair.
I'm sorry, I know it is all EGO's fault and maybe I'm making too much noise about it, I will continue exploring myself consciously, understanding my psychological processes, etc... But any 'feedback' I receive here will be really helpful and meaningful to me, since it is so rare to find someone to talk about this. I'm seeking for some sincere words now. If you people had some words from your own, not from the books, i would appreciate too.
Thank you so much!