since i was young I've believed in the concept of hell in Christianity. at young age the notion of hell was drilled into my head to the point where a thought of a simple flame brought up the fear of eternal damnation for my sins. though i found the Gnostic teachings(don't get me wrong there great and eye opening) the concept of inferno and recycling over and over again sounds 1000 times worse in my view of things. i realize that this comes from my fear from my upbringing, and i'm working on it. but at the same time i can't seem to shake this feeling of hopelessness, considering i don't know where i'm at in terms of my number of lives I've used or the amount of karma i've accumulated from the previous lives. as a result my practice has turned from being enthusiastic self improvement oriented to being done out of a fear based obligation when considering the weight of the consequences if i don't do the work.
How can i know where i stand in the Karmic scale of all my lives in their entirety?
Are there beings that i can invoke in the astrals that can give me sort of a karmic credit rating? if so who?
whats the point of ascension? even if we destroy the ego, create the bodies, and pay all our karma and enter the absolute, what's the point of it all?
Context to questions
I've been having a rough patch in my practice and have been wondering whats the point of it. lately i've been feeling like i'm racing to something as appose to progressing. and it's not that i'm not enthusiastic about the work it's just that looking at all that needs to be done and the amount of time one needs to do it seems daunting, especially when you're not entirely sure what meaning the work implies.