Shalom Fellow Seekers
I kindly request some deeper insight with regards to being in a relationship.
Having read many of the Gnostic texts and searched here in the "social" section of the website it has become apparent to me that a spouse is inevitable when one is following one's star. It's also key to note that when one is on the path of seeking Gnosis, finding a spouse, even as a seeker of Gnosis, does not guarantee a never ending fantasy-like perfect relationship for Karmic relations are also a key consideration in such matters. Therefore my question is as follows:
How do I tell my true spouse from the "red herrings"?
The reason why I ask this is because in the last 5 months I have had two women come into my life. The first woman came in the name of Gnosis as one who wishes to walk the path with me... but she only turned out to be someone who was deeply troubled and felt drawn to the peace and energy I was emanating. Once I discovered this I broke it off with her and fortunately we had not been intimate in any way.
Thereafter, I met an amazing woman who'm I unfortunately fornicated with after 316 days of practicing (to the best of my ability) scientific chastity without spilling the semen either in wet dreams or through a voluntary orgasm of any kind. Over this period of chastity I felt great, and a measure of joy, self-reliance and power developed in me that I had never known. My intuition also grew very strong and I developed the ability to "feel" things out quite quickly. One day I felt the feeling "your sexual energy is now being repressed, it must be expressed". I thereafter felt the feeling "you are about to meet someone and she'll be the one you've been waiting for- express your energy with her". As if my feelings were accurate premonitions, I met someone the very next day and we just connected, it was as if my intuition was beginning to become so strong that it could be indeed capable of picking up on events to come. At this stage I thought it was direct guidance from my being... therefore I fornicated. It felt like the sexual energy in me really needed to be released and that seemed to be the intuitive message I was getting too.
So, with this context in mind. More recently after three months of fornication and being with this new woman, I felt a sudden loss of my vital life-force. As if it was just gone, I literally felt like Samson after Delilah "cut his braid" and that's when I knew, experientially, that fornication does sap one of their vital life-force. So I decided to be honest with the girl. I spoke to her about my desire to no longer orgasm and to walk the path of Gnosis and I showed her the video "SEX - The Secret Gate To Eden". She then was honest enough to me to say that she needs to think about it all and we'll talk again in the coming week or so... Truth is, in my heart of hearts, I feel that she is not the one I am meant to be with. She is a great women, really great. She has family values, she is respectful, she holds fast to Christian values, but given where I want to take my spirituality, I feel that she is not the one. Which begs the question...
Why did I get these red herrings, which either came to me in the name of Gnosis or came to me with the approval of my intuition? How to tell when it's a red herring? I believe that there are people out there who may even come in the name of Gnosis but not be the one that the divine has intended for one. How can one differentiate and discern even at this level.
i.e. It's easy to tell when a potential partner is Gnosis-averse or not concerned with authentic spiritual growth, but it's not so easy when a potential partner comes into your life through your intuition or in the name of Gnosis. What to do then, I don;t want to make this mistake again. I lost 316 days of progress because of this lack of judgement. I never want ot make this mistake again, how can I make sure that when a potential partner comes into my life they are really the one. Or is it a mtter of hit and miss?
Any help or guidance in this regard will be much appreciated.