This lecture is a continuation of The Didactic for the Dissolution of the "I".
Question: I am working in the elimination of the ego, but I want to concretely ask you: Since in practical life an ego emerges from within, and another and another defect, then one falls into confusion... which defect must one work upon? I ask you, please tell me with which surfaced defect must one work?
Samael Aun Weor: Which defect are you working on?
Question: I was trying to work during meditation on my lust, my anger, my fear, thus one falls into confusion.
Samael Aun Weor: But which defect are you specifically working on? I see that you are a judicious person and therefore it is obvious that you already have specified your psychological work.
Question: I wanted to work on my lust.
Samael Aun Weor: Well, that is the capital sin. The defect of lust is capital and one works on it during one's whole life, since lust is the original sin, the root of all defects. However, one must daily work on lust together with another surfaced defect.
What I mean is: Work with your anger, but also with your lust; work with your envy, but continue working with your lust; work with your pride, but never forget your lust, because this is capital.
Question: In other words, during meditation, everything that one remembers about the "I" has to be comprehended?
Samael Aun Weor: "To comprehend everything that one remembers about the "I"? This seems to me incoherent, vague, imprecise, inodorous, insipid, insubstantial, and uncolored. Please let us think with exactitude: which defect did you discover in practical life? Because if you are alert and vigilant of yourself (as a watchman during a time of war) then you must have discovered some of your defects.
So, which defect did you discover now? In which situation were you involved now? Did you utter an angry word? Did you have a lustful impulse? Which was the last defect that you discovered? What was the situation? It was in your home or in a bar? Where did it happen? What happened to you? Or are you sleeping?
Question: I discovered an ego of anger.
Samael Aun Weor: Oh! An attack of anger; I am glad that you are sincere, do you not know? That is correct. Because what one needs to do is to live alert and vigilant (as a watchman during a time of war). So, where did this anger take action, in which moment? Can you reconstruct such a situation? Can you visualize that instant in which you suffered such anger? Can you do it? Because if you can visualize it, that is, to remember how such an event happened, then now in meditation we are going to work upon that. We are going to meditate based on concrete facts, we are not going to meditate based on vague, uncolored, insipid, inodorous, insubstantial facts, no!
We are going to meditate based on concrete, clear and definitive facts. We are going to be practical one hundred percent. So, you must reconstruct such an event of anger and upon that you must work now in meditation.
Question: Master, what happens when, in a given moment, one discovers a defect that is attacking oneself, for instance anger, and one beseeches to his Divine Mother Kundalini for the elimination of the defect...
Samael Aun Weor: From which situation did your anger start out? When did it happen? On which street, in which house, what is its address? I want facts, do not ask me vague things.
Question: Well, it happened precisely yesterday when I had an attack of anger, because I wanted to go and listen to your lecture. But the longing that I had was hurt within me because my wife had a headache and could not go, thus I was enraged. However, in that precise moment I beseeched my Divine Mother Kundalini, I accused such a ego, but I do not know if I achieved something, if, at least, my Divine Mother cut off the head of that defect?
Samael Aun Weor: Okay, let us be more practical. You became angry against your unfortunate wife, but do you know why did you get enraged?
Question: Because due to her I could not go and listen to your lecture.
Samael Aun Weor: So, that was the motive.... This is why the anger happened, because she did not let you go to listen to my lecture. What is that which was hurt in that moment within you?
Question: My pride.
Samael Aun Weor: Well then, there were two defects: one of anger and the other of pride. So now you have to concretely, practically work upon these two "I's" and comprehend them during meditation.
That petition that you performed to your Divine Mother Kundalini in that moment, is acceptable, but it is not enough, it was made in a rushed way. Did you already reflect upon that event? Did you reconstruct such a scene? How many hours were you on your bed with your relaxed body in order to become cognizant of that event? Can you tell me exactly?
Because that petition that you made in that moment was made in a rushed way, and we need to be more profound.
The water that runs turbid is the water that is shallow. We need water of much depth. The puddles, let me say, with mud, that have a little profundity, which are at the side of the road, get dried under the light of the sun and they become swamps filled with rottenness. However, the waters with profundity where the fish live and there is plenty life are different. So we need to be more profound.
Brutus was lamentably mistaken in thinking Kundalini to be mechanical; the Divine Mother is very exacting... - Samael Aun Weor, The Mystery of the Golden Blossom
Again, how many hours were you in meditation reconstructing that scene?
Question: Well, master, I left such an event in order to meditate on it today with you.
(laughter from the other people)
Samael Aun Weor: You are very funny, you are very funny. Well, you know now. We are going to meditate to work against the I of Anger and against the I of Pride.
That brother there (pointing) you there in the back corner of the room: speak.
Question: I would like to know about the main psychological feature.
Samael Aun Weor: Yes, that is fundamental. The main psychological feature. Because when one knows it, one works upon it and then the disintegration of the ego becomes easier. But let me tell you a great truth: before self-exploring ourselves, in order to know our main psychological feature, we must have worked a lot at least five years, at least, because it is not easy to discover one's main psychological feature. Truly, one has false concepts about his own personality. One sees his own personality through fantasy. One always thinks about himself in a very mistaken way. Better said, others can see us better that we see ourselves, because one has totally false concepts about himself. One cannot discover his own main psychological feature as long as one does not eliminate a good percentage of inhuman psychic aggregates. This is why I understand that if one wants to know the main psychological feature one needs to work at least five years in meditation. After five years in meditation we can begin the luxury of utilizing the retrospective system in order to apply it to as much as present life as well as our former lives. Then we can with great astonishment that we commit the same errors over and over again. We discover an I, an I that is a key, that in all existences committed the worst errors and that is always specified by a determined crime and that has been the axle of all of our former existences.
But obviously, in order to practice with certain lucidity this retrospective exercise, one needs first to eliminate many I's. By no means could I believe that one can discover his main psychological feature if one has not utilized wisely the retrospective system in meditation. In order to use it, indeed, with lucidity, we need also to be sincere. When the consciousness is abundantly inserted with the I's, there is no lucidity. Then the retrospective exercise in those conditions becomes incipient, if not fantastic or mistaken. That is my concept.
Question: In the morning I felt a certain reaction, then after, another reaction. Later on, another one, that is related to another I. Would I meditate on the two reactions or only one?
Samael Aun Weor: You must only dedicate yourself to one during meditation; to the first one. Later on you will dedicate yourself to the other one. But now, during this meditation, you will dedicate to work only on the first one.
Question: But the I that was left out of this meditation is not going to get fat?
Samael Aun Weor: You must leave that for another meditation. But if you don't want to make him fat, do not give him more nourishment and you will see how it will become very skinny.
Question: Master, you have taught us that we must have an order and a precision in the elimination of our defects. However, there is something that I could not capture from you. The fact that you say that discovered defect must be comprehended and eliminated; I understand that the I is a succession within the psychological work. This is why I ask you this, because during the day many defects manifest through oneself. Let us say that during the morning lust had is opportunity but then that ego goes away and then enters pride. Then one is walking on the street and a carriage is going to hit you and the anger jumps out of you. So as you see, it is a series of facts and a continual manifestation of defects. This is why I think there has been a misunderstanding when searching for the main psychological feature. So how can we understand this and how exactly can we work upon it?
Samael Aun Weor: Well, it is necessary to have an order in one's work. Of course, I agree but in any case when the night arrives with your relaxed body you will begin to practice your retrospective exercise not upon your actual existences or existences but at least upon the day. Then you will visualize you will reconstruct the different events of the day. Then, already reconstructed, numerated, classified, you will proceed to the psychological work. First, you will meditate in one event to which you will dedicate at least, let us say, fifteen minutes. Then, twenty minutes to another event. And another event to which you will dedicate a half hour. Another to which you will dedicate five minutes. And another to which you will dedicate ten minutes. Everything depends on the gravity of the events. Therefore, the events already classified can be worked on. Meditate in the night with tranquility and with order.
Question: And for their elimination?
Samael Aun Weor: Likewise, in the same order, because in each work upon this or that event the following factors enter: discovery, judgment and execution. So therefore you must apply to each element the three aspects.
Discovery: when you discovered it.
Comprehension: when you comprehend it during your meditation.
This is how one must work. Because if you are going to work one by one, think how this thing is going to be for you. It is going to be very hard, brother. Because indeed I tell you, or I am going to repeat, that phrase of Virgil, the poet of Mantua, in his divine Aenied. He said, even if we have a hundred tongues to speak and a palate of steel we will never enumerate all of our defects.
Therefore, if you propose to work on a defect, as Gurdjieff states, two months, and another defect for two months, and if there are thousands of defects, when are you going to eliminate all of them? Moreover, one defect is associated with another. Very seldom one defect appears solo. Always you will find one defect associated with another. This is why one needs to work in order, in order to duly classify them, and daily, until triumph.
Question: Master, you talked to us about the disorder of the house. The master Gurdjieff speaks about the disorder of the house and he speaks about the interior butler and upon some I's that like this work and other I's that do not like this psychological work. So therefore, in order to form a permemant center of gravity, how can we understand this?
Samael Aun Weor: Well, frankly, about the "butler," which is abundantly cited by Nicoll, Gurdjieff, Ouspensky and all of their henchmen, it seems a foolishness to me. It has no value. From my own experience, I never, better if I say, this one that is inside of me and that dissolved my ego, that reduced it to powder, never utilized, indeed I tell you with sincerity, that system of the major butler.
That useful egos exist, it is true. But also there are useless egos. That there are good egos is true. There are a lot, thousands. And also there are a lot of evil ones. One needs to disintegrate the good egos and one needs to disintegrate the bad egos. One needs to disintegrate the useful egos, and the useless ones.
One day, a friend of mine that has a factory for pants in the country of El Salvador asked me: Master, if I disintegrate the useful ego that makes pants in my factory, then who is going to make the pants in the factory? I am going to go bankrupt, my factory is going to fail.
Do not worry, I told my friend. If you disintegrate the I that makes pants in your factory, one part of your Being that corresponds to that and is skillful in all types of arts will take the place of that ego and will take over the labor of making your pants. And he is going to make the pants better, indeed. So my friend was satisfied and continued on his way.
The good egos know to perform good deeds; they do good deeds, but they do not know how to do the good deeds. They do good when they shouldn't do it. They give alms to a marijuana-smoker. So that he can go and buy more marijuana. They give alms to a drunkard so he can keep getting drunk. They even give alms to a rich person who asks for alms, and things like that. So, the good egos do not know how to do good.
In the final synthesis we must fight against good and against evil, indeed. In the final synthesis we must go beyond good and evil and to grasp the sword of comic justice.
To that end, what is that which we call good? Let us be cognizant of that which we call good and evil. Good is that which is in its proper place. Evil is that which is out of its proper place. For example, the fire in the kitchen is good, isn't it? But what about that fire burning the curtains, or burning us alive: how would you like it? Would you like to become flaming torches? I believe you would not.
Let us see now the water. Here in this cup it is good. Even in the kitchen in order to wash the dishes and the cups it is good. There in that little fountain the water is good. But what about the water inundating all the rooms of this house? It will be bad, isn't it? So therefore, good is everything that is in its place and bad is everything that is out of its place. A virtue, as holy as it may be, if it is out of its place it becomes evil.
Would you like as Gnostic instructors to go and give lectures there in a bar?
Would you, as Gnostic instructors, go to a whorehouse or would you like to go to a brothel to teach the doctrine? Would you like it? I believe you would not. And, if you like it, I would not recommend it. Because that would be bad; moreover, it would be absurd.
Therefore good is what is in its place and bad is what is out of its place. Therefore those little words "good" and "evil" are out of context. We could better say "correct" and "incorrect." So what is most important in life is to dissolve the I's, whether they are "good" or "evil." That is what is important.
If suddenly we discover an I that is giving alms to a marijuana-smoker so that he can keep smoking marijuana, obviously we have discovered a good I that we must disintegrate, a charitable, "good I" but that is necessary to reduce to ashes. And if we discover an I that wanted to be polite with noble friends or relatives, and drinks and drinks again, what will we say? That we are drinking because of friendship or because these people are humble, because they are my buddies which gave that party? And why are we going to despise them? So we accompany our buddy with the little cups until we get drunk. Is that good? Because we are humble? That is an apparently good I which must be destroyed and annihilated. So therefore we have to annihilate the egos of evil and we also have to fight against good and fight against evil.
Question: Master, what about the Gnostic ego? Is that good or bad?
Samael Aun Weor: Well, let me tell you the truth. That question becomes a very spicy one, you know, because in the Gnostic Movement there is not a single person without a Gnostic ego. The interesting thing is that such an ego must also be annihilated. Only the Gnostic consciousness must remain. The Gnostic ego is an automatic, mechanical ego. You must reduce it to ashes. You must be cognizant of the Doctrine so that Gnosis will develop in you by cognizant, doctrinal conviction. And not like a mere mechanistic automatism. The Gnostic I is mechanical. But the Gnostic consciousness is revolutionary, rebellious, and terribly divine.
Question: Master, related with the work of the destruction of the ego: is it possible that you can give us a hand?
Samael Aun Weor: But I am giving you the hand! Perchance I am not giving you the explanations that are fundamental? This work of the dissolution of the ego is something very, very personal for each one of us. No one can walk the path for you. Only you can walk it. Here, the only thing that I can do is show you the way and give you the precise indications; that is all.
Question: Would it be good to apply the technique of meditation on the death of the ego to the defects that we have in our dreams?
Samael Aun Weor: Many letters have been sent to me from people that have nocturnal pollutions. Almost all of them demand from me a recipe in order to be healed from that frightful sickness and I always answer them that as long as the egos of pollutions continue to exist, the pollutions will continue to exist.
Let us suppose that this person has a morbid dream, thus as a consequence he has a nocturnal pollution. What to do? In the precise moment of awakening physically, this person has to intensively work upon that ego that produced such a pollution. And he must appeal to the Divine Mother Kundalini Shakti so that she can disintegrate it and he must continue during the future periods of time working upon that ego. But if during another day another nocturnal pollution emerges, it is because another lustful ego produced it. Thus, the work must be repeated again until one day all of those types of egos related with pollutions will be terminated. That is the only way in order to be healed.