I don't know what it is, but there are times that I get the feeling that people around me want me to fail in this Spiritual Work. There are times that I do really well, and its seems that at times like these, that people keep bringing things up that will push me into an inner turmoil.
The confusing thing is, not having an objective consciousness, is that I can not figure out, if I should take into account the things they are saying seriously, or if being concerned with what I'm being told would mean I am straying off from my Path.
For example a lot of people around me, seem to be concerned that I am single. They almost find it unacceptable, weird and even annoyed (which I don't get). And I do not understand society's obsession with this. And I can't really make them understand that other things are more important to me at this moment. Because I regard my desires separate from myself, it is accurate to say I do not want to be in a relationship at this time. However people find this very hard to believe. Perhaps having studied Gnosticism for such a long time, I regard the things of my consciousness of the things I truly want. So therefore, even if I have the desire for vain superficial things, because they are transitory feelings, I do not consider them as things that I want. And it hardly even occurs to me now that for people who do not do this work, perhaps when they say they want something ( even if it is a transitory desire), they would say that they want it. I don't know if I've been able to explain this. Perhaps someone here has had a similar experience.
Since most people are concerned with satiating their desires, they seem to regard people who don't pursue such pleasures as weird or abnormal.
Another interesting thing is how people around us bring up things that we are very sensitive about unconsciously. They do this unknowingly it seems.
Usually people around us offer words of encouragement to pursue our desires, and what is popular or what society says, gives this impression as if it is the right thing. But somehow I feel this is a deceit.
Things that make other people happy make me miserable, and what would make me happy seems to make other people miserable. I feel like most people don't understand me.
Most people who go to the disco and get laid are happy. Whereas if I was to do the same, my conscience would be in much grief. I would rather stay at home, meditate, do practices and study these teachings. Whereas it seems, most other people, feel unhappiness for not socializing and even feel sorry for themselves for not getting laid (a term I actually dislike but hear a lot).
So the annoying thing is getting lectured by people as if they have wisdom, whereas if I was to follow their advice I'd become grief stricken. And people don't understand that fulfilling my desires makes me miserable. So people constantly pushing me, I find it a very difficult situation since I can not make them understand. And I've learned that actually talking about Gnosis makes me look even more weird and they become more concerned. So I've learned not to mention it, but simply say that I am happy the way things are.
Is it possible for Darkness that is outside of us, to use other people's as puppets to get to us? Or am I being crazy to think like this.