Hello,
In the past couple of years, I have worked with Sol Key and other practices and have achieved some results. Negative emotions have been dominated to a degree but my mind is still in shambles. The problem is that my sol key is mixed. There is some level of self-remembrance, observation, and discernment of location, but it also has mental exertion as well. This has created many problems and has made me unfunctional physically, where I can't even concentrate on basic things, although I may achieve higher states with meditation when I go lucid in a dream. My mind has been severely damaged by this exertion which has created much repression. Giving up and starting over has created many emotional releases.
Since I have not closely followed the teachings, and have done my own thing, things are not organized in the way they should be. I have steps 4,5,6 partly developed, but not steps 1, 2, and 3. In fact, I am even missing step 0, being a normal function intellectional animal. I seem to have become worse at being in the physical than the average person. My mind has been severely damaged and has become extremely fanatical, lunatical, and whimsical. The three brains are imbalanced so I have refrained from studying more and instead am developing the emotional and physical brains. I have also refrained from doing the amount of practices I was doing because they were too advanced. If I can't even control my mind, then what am I doing? Basically the only practice I do now is the eucharist, a little bit of meditation, and pranayama. No runes, conjurations, exorcisms, excessive incense, protective items (mustard seeds, tons of pentagrams), excessive altar items, etc. Focusing on being normal again has had great benefits but I know if I could easily fall into the other extreme where I go into the devolving flow with the rest of this humanity. It is urgent that I psychologically die as soon as possible and it seems hard to get ahead with the very frequent nocturnal pollutions.
Would it be recommended to start over and learn the basics from scratch and work my way up?
Or would it be better to bridge the two?
In either way, meditation and normalcy is the key. Let me know what I should do.
Edit: Runes are helpful for key of SOL (the force guides you)
In the past couple of years, I have worked with Sol Key and other practices and have achieved some results. Negative emotions have been dominated to a degree but my mind is still in shambles. The problem is that my sol key is mixed. There is some level of self-remembrance, observation, and discernment of location, but it also has mental exertion as well. This has created many problems and has made me unfunctional physically, where I can't even concentrate on basic things, although I may achieve higher states with meditation when I go lucid in a dream. My mind has been severely damaged by this exertion which has created much repression. Giving up and starting over has created many emotional releases.
Since I have not closely followed the teachings, and have done my own thing, things are not organized in the way they should be. I have steps 4,5,6 partly developed, but not steps 1, 2, and 3. In fact, I am even missing step 0, being a normal function intellectional animal. I seem to have become worse at being in the physical than the average person. My mind has been severely damaged and has become extremely fanatical, lunatical, and whimsical. The three brains are imbalanced so I have refrained from studying more and instead am developing the emotional and physical brains. I have also refrained from doing the amount of practices I was doing because they were too advanced. If I can't even control my mind, then what am I doing? Basically the only practice I do now is the eucharist, a little bit of meditation, and pranayama. No runes, conjurations, exorcisms, excessive incense, protective items (mustard seeds, tons of pentagrams), excessive altar items, etc. Focusing on being normal again has had great benefits but I know if I could easily fall into the other extreme where I go into the devolving flow with the rest of this humanity. It is urgent that I psychologically die as soon as possible and it seems hard to get ahead with the very frequent nocturnal pollutions.
Would it be recommended to start over and learn the basics from scratch and work my way up?
Or would it be better to bridge the two?
In either way, meditation and normalcy is the key. Let me know what I should do.
Edit: Runes are helpful for key of SOL (the force guides you)