loss of interest in life

By integrity on Wednesday, 04 January 2012

Posted in Questions and Answers with Instructors

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For about the past year or so I have had literally no interest in anything. I'm normally a person given to diversions. But I could just sit in a chair endlessly. I've lost a strong desire for almost anything related to my personality. I have to force myself to tend my business, force myself to read a book, force myself to excercise, etc. It seems like it could be laziness, but it goes far beyond that, and does not include lack of personal hygiene or anything like that... I'm not suicidal, and I don't feel 'depressed' in the regular sense of the word.

It all seems to coincide with when I realized that no amount of intellectual learning was ever going to give me spiritual experience. Seeing progress through meditation is about the only thing I have any desire for now.

Is this something that occurs as you dissolve the 'I'? Or am I just having a mid life crisis? What troubles me is that as this sense of self starts to dissolve, I don't feel any obvious re-filling of that emptiness. I long for communion with my being, but it's not tangible yet.

Thanks for the consideration.

You can communicate with your being. Do the practices. Runes. Tibetan Exercises. Dream Yoga. Self-observation. Inner Self Remembering. Use the secret mantras. Pray. Ask for assistance.

Besides, who is the one that is suffering? What "I" is suffering? Happiness is all around you and within you too.

12 years ago

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5 Comments

#227

I'm sure you know all that; just saying in case you don't, because your concerns are valid yet also that I know the Instructors could most likely address your concerns a lot better than I could.

Jinn

12 years ago

#19

Unfortunately posting a new comment doesn't bump the thread to the top, so the Gnostic Instructors might not even be checking this thread anymore.

If you copy & paste your recent comment, as a actual post, in the thread that you started Carlixto, it will bump your thread back to the top.

Jinn

12 years ago

#18

All I was doing was awareness exercises for less than a week. And the strength and confidence that I worked very hard to build up disappeared! I felt like Jelly on the inside. I didn't feel solid! So I stopped! God, gave me an answer. I was already doing the right things. My diet allows my body to remain supple, and the tension that was already there was healthy. That healthy tension manifested itself in confident body language, which is the result of very positive thoughts. Basically the inevitability that I will meet my destiny. The universe was already affirming this. So, relax, yes; but the answer for me is don't be too relaxed! I was already focusing on what was most important to me and it was coming to pass. Doing this awareness exercise is great for egos, but I need to be super careful because being new to this, I almost shattered my sense of self. And truthfully that is something I am not willing to give up. I want to honor this incarnation, and I will. There was already alot good there that I wasn't aware of.

Tenortone21

12 years ago

#17

Since we have a lot of karma to workout from past lives, then according to the teachings, said karma comes to the surface more when the Ordeals begin (see The Perfect Matrimony and the Revolution of Beelzebub). Basically, things seem to get worse before they get better. We start to notice things that were always there, yet that we never noticed because we were more asleep.

Jinn

12 years ago

#16

This sounds alot like what I'm describing in my first post. Masculinity and Presence. I had an incredible drive that was healthy! And it nearly vanished when I started doing gnosis. I don't like feeling that way.

Tenortone21

12 years ago

#15