Greetings. First of all, I want to thank all who contribute to this wonderful site. It's been a great inspiration for me to change. I had heard about Gnosis a while back but never got serious about it until recently.
For the past two months, I have had my ups and downs. I am working on ethics and trying to stop harmful activities. I'm also learning how to pay attention and self-observe. However, I seem to have a major obstacle when I place awareness on my body and I'm at a loss on what to do. For about 7 years, I developed what I would classify as a minor tic or twitch in my neck, where my neck will spontaneously jerk from side to side for a moment (sort of a quick tremble) and will return every so often. The interesting thing is that it only happens when I pay attention to my body and I am completely still (some refer to this as "akathisia" but I believe my problem is more psychological). If I am moving, such as going for a walk, I can retain mindfulness and observation much more easily. The same goes for any motor activity such as driving or riding in a car. If the car is in motion, I can focus on what I'm doing and my body very well, but when I am at a stop sign or red light, the tension instantly returns and I get a neck spasm (again, only if I am trying to observe myself; if I forget myself or that I should be trying to observe and my mind is distracted, no spasm occurs). I feel this cripples my ability to pay attention or make any progress and so I decided that I would finally make a post about it.
Does anyone have any advice or similar experiences? The problem itself seems silly especially if it is psychological, but unfortunately it is a major obstacle for me right now and disturbs my meditation and observation practices. It is also really noticeable in public and has been a source of great frustration and anxiety in the past. I realize that part of the problem might be that I'm giving the disturbance more energy by thinking about it, but I don't really know how to not do so. Thanks for any help.
For the past two months, I have had my ups and downs. I am working on ethics and trying to stop harmful activities. I'm also learning how to pay attention and self-observe. However, I seem to have a major obstacle when I place awareness on my body and I'm at a loss on what to do. For about 7 years, I developed what I would classify as a minor tic or twitch in my neck, where my neck will spontaneously jerk from side to side for a moment (sort of a quick tremble) and will return every so often. The interesting thing is that it only happens when I pay attention to my body and I am completely still (some refer to this as "akathisia" but I believe my problem is more psychological). If I am moving, such as going for a walk, I can retain mindfulness and observation much more easily. The same goes for any motor activity such as driving or riding in a car. If the car is in motion, I can focus on what I'm doing and my body very well, but when I am at a stop sign or red light, the tension instantly returns and I get a neck spasm (again, only if I am trying to observe myself; if I forget myself or that I should be trying to observe and my mind is distracted, no spasm occurs). I feel this cripples my ability to pay attention or make any progress and so I decided that I would finally make a post about it.
Does anyone have any advice or similar experiences? The problem itself seems silly especially if it is psychological, but unfortunately it is a major obstacle for me right now and disturbs my meditation and observation practices. It is also really noticeable in public and has been a source of great frustration and anxiety in the past. I realize that part of the problem might be that I'm giving the disturbance more energy by thinking about it, but I don't really know how to not do so. Thanks for any help.