Hello dear instructors! Without going into too much detail about the personal details of my situation, I feel like I have been digging myself into a hole. I try to always stay aware and watchful over my mind, but I feel as if I may be empowering egos that watch over my mind, instead of my consciousness. What I mean is, I try to be watchful and to be quiet and be attentive to my mind throughout the day, but in each case I somehow empower an ego to think about my other egos, digging myself into a hole, in which I can't find a mental spot to be somewhat 'free' from the ego to watch. I can't be still and watch, an ego takes that place. This is very troubling. I know that one can not truly meditate without developing concentration, and this problem is stopping me from developing any straight concentration.

Adding on to this, I try to take control of my negative habits, and change hate into love, but again I feel like I am only empowering another ego that comes and goes, and clearly has its own 'personality' and way of acting. I know that our true selves are naturally loving, chaste, etc, but it makes me wonder, in the fight against the ego, have I already failed? Have I built myself an unfortunate situation where my mind is completely enveloped in ego, and there is no way out? How do I progress if there is no free consciousness? To reiterate, I cannot seem to find a space in my mind where I am ever still, leading to lack of concentration, etc. Again, this is very troubling. Do you have any advice so that I may overcome this? Thank you in advance.