I really don't know how to verify that.. right now I cannot sit even for a second to meditate. It's not good because I feel like I have to force myself to do any sort of practice, its like forcing yourself to eat something that you are not accustomed to or enjoy eating.
Its like eating grains in the morning, they are good for the body but its really bland even with honey and fruits, it takes forever to go through a bowl (for me anyway), usually I avoid it and go for something else that I enjoy eating. Meditation is similar in a way.
To be honest I don't even know where to start anymore since things have spiraled out of order, kind of feel like redemption requires more strength than I have at the moment. I've found some comfort in concentrating on my Divine Mother (not in a formal religious way) but just trying to contact her when retreating from outward life, but then afterwards I feel like maybe it was all just a figment of my imagination, since how do I know if it was real? Then there's doubt and discouragement afterwards.
That disconnected feeling from inner Divinity, from not being aware of its actual presence and help is a real killer.