Why is it so hard to do what is good for us, like to follow the teachings of the great Masters and so easy to do what is harmful for us? what can we do against this terndency? could we for example every morning after waking up pray to be given the strength to act lovingly towards our self and eliminate the undesired psychological aggregates which make us suffer so much?I suspect my hatred towards my mother makes me do everything to become miserable, so that I punish her in these way. Once I understood what I do, I started to try acting so, that she becomes happy. But I need to be pay attention to that all the time, and every time i forget it, I start again going late to sleep, waking up late, not studying enough, isolating my self...
I had when steel being in school negative feelings against my mother for stupid reasons, completely irrational, but this became gradually hatred, which came out(meaning started controlling me) when I started searching for the truth, the knowledge, reading Plato, the Gospels of the new testament, and other religions. I started to prefer prefer philosophy than mathematics and physics, since the teachers in school were boring, and from a good student, became a bad one. I didn't pass the entrance exams for a engineering university of my country, I wasn't allowed to enter the psychology faculty , because someone has to choose between theoretical, engineering and natural universities to apply to, and at the beginning of the 11 grade I liked mathematics and physics,when I chose the engineering "direction" , during the 11 grade I changed my mind, so eventually I went abroad and now I study technical physics, which is nice, but steel negative thoughts of bad will are coming, and subconsciously I don't want again to study...
Actually after reading this from the revolutionary psychology: "Each of these persons traveling along the Horizontal path is similar to a musical instrument on which each of his fellowmen can play the tune he wishes to." I decided to write to you, I fell like this, like a musical instrument, that a person that I thought was my friend, who was jealous of my, made me have negative felling towards my mother, I will skip how he did it, and now what? I don't want to keep living with that hatred in my hurt, what can I do? Do I need to learn to astral project an ask someone up there?
Every time that I find something that helps me and gives me joy, then I feel a strong resistance to do it again, and even though i know that something is prevents me from doing it, I steel don't do it, for example to study the book revolutionary psychology, do japa in the morning (and the rest of the day), so even though there are some things that could help me, I don't do them. How can I overcome this resistance? Samael says: " But, in reality of truth, I have to say that there are mechanisms to overcome resistance and they are:
1.— Recognize it
2.— Define it
3.— Comprehend it
4.— Work on it
5.—Overcome and disintegrate it by means of Sexual Super-Dynamics."
I think I have recognized it, but how to make the next steps?