Three questions, but both require a bit of explanation/clarification so the questions are properly expressed.
(also to clarify I am a male) if that makes a difference in the scenario regarding fitness..
In chapter XLIV "Conversing in Mexico" in The Three Mountains the author mentions something... to most which would be a small trivial thing, but for me I found something interesting about this upon reflecting, and thinking about it for a while..
He orders a strawberry shake and a piece of cheesecake from the waitress and it says "while slowly tasting this delicious refreshment and extracting from these foods their spiritual element.. " and it goes on to explain the conversation he was having with "Joaco"
The reason this somewhat bothers me, is one of the major ego's I have been able to easily identify in myself at the beginning of my studies was my sweet tooth. And how 'I' could always reason logically, why it would be okay to eat things that serve no purpose to nourishing my physical body.
Another thing that happened as I progressed, I would notice I would tell myself at some point it was okay to indulge in this or that food as long as I was "in the present moment, and actually tasting the food" rather then just mechanically satisfying the ego. But eventually I felt that, even if you are "present", it does not justify satisfying your desires. So I quit eating sweets altogether..
The reason I am curious about this short passage, I feel it slightly reveals something about my own internal consideration, and also, my own tendency to strive to be a "priest" and go overboard..
Now in this passage, obviously the author enjoyed indulging in the food. (unless there was an mis-translation with the Spanish to english, which I doubt is the case.) And made passing reference to the the mental-mantralization, for 'extracting' energy from food.
Is it possible that he means to convey, that sweets are not to be abandoned entirely? And that they should be in moderation? Because I know for example he conveys the opposite with gluttony in alcohol, not even a sip, he says to even pretend your drinking it, if necessary in a situation with a overbearing host. Conveying that even a sip of something that is not good for you is acting upon an ego.
So the way I have interpreted the ego of gluttony in regards to food, is that any non-healthy food is merely temptations and desires. But clearly in this case the author is eating food that is not really not that healthy.. The reason I feel this is so confusing, is I would tend to have almost a feeling of guilt in a situation where I am ordering cheesecake with company that clearly has more restraint.
I choose to eat mostly vegetarian, and only eat meat 1 to 3 times a week. I have basically abandoned sweets, desserts, and any form of indulging. But I am notcing how, more and more, I am forcing myself to choose 'bland' or 'basic' tasting food, under the impression I am overcoming the ego of gluttony. I feel guilty when I am offered dessert from a host during dinner, but I cannot refuse it because deep down, I know I want it.. Should I really feel guilty? How do we understand the ego of guilt, if we don't know whats true to ourselves? Is refusing to eat even a single bite of the offered dessert a failure to overcome this ego, just like alcohol?
And also, to add some comedy to this situation, I write a unnecessarily long question, which could possibly be me trying to go through some round-about way to convince myself to not feel guilty if I order dessert. hahaha..
In the past before studying gnosis, I had a personal trainer at a fitness centre, that was teaching me heavy weight training. He told me I needed to eat more high calorie meals, eat more then 3 meals a day, and just eat more food in general because I am an 'underweight' person. I have no insecurities about this manner, I just attributed this to the personal trainer having a bias, that men should have big muscles, and not be lean, because he is a body builder, and I was obviously not eating like a body builder like he was. But the more I think about it, it seemed more like mechanical judgements, without even taking into considering what he said might be true.
Generally, I could be labeled as "skinny". Although I am a 25 year old male, I seem to have the physique of a 19 year old girl, but I don't mind this at all, I rather enjoy it. I feel conformable with who am am, and I enjoy an active lifestyle. 1 hour of cardio a day (I bike to and from work, 30 min each way, at a regular pace, taking it easy) and I do hot-yoga once every week, which is really revitalizing, I sweat out all the toxins, and replenish it all back by drinking a lot of water throughout the week.
The reason of concern and my post of this question, is since I have started doing 1 hour of cardio and hot yoga once a week, for about a year now, I seem to be losing weight, when really, I don't know how, I already weigh very little.
I feel conflicted because I don't know if I am using a hidden insecurity from my past,(the statement from the body builder saying I should really consider changing my eating habits) as a reason to eat more fatty foods to convince myself 'I am doing it to regain weight i'm losing'.
I have not been doing this exercise routine long enough to know what my general average weight maintains at with this lifestyle. I rarely weigh myself, because I feel it's rather trivial assigning a number to the mass of my physical body, and then worrying about this theoretical number. When it comes down to it, I feel really healthy and fit, but my concern is that I am not doing something that may slowly degenerate into something that is unhealthy.
I know our goal is to not identify too much with ourselves, everything is temporary., but what if this mentality is leading to unhealthy choices for our physical body? I can talk myself in circles for hours...
My aim at putting these up here is in hopes to shed some light into the abovementioned egos, since they seem to interpenetrate each-other. Things like weight, proper dieting, proper fitness, and overindulgence seem to be very heavily focused on in todays society, but at times can be hard to relate to the teachings of gnosis. What are some good resources?