You are the only one responsible for your actions. If you beat yourself up, that is your choice. If you want to be happy, that is your choice. If you vacillate between doing what is necessary for the benefit of your soul and your egotistical desires, you will continue to suffer. The truth is that you have the power to change yourself and renounce bad habits. But in order for you to change, you have to want to.
My experience with students who break chastity has shown me that such students are usually unclear about what they want from these studies. If you do not comprehend what you want from Gnosis, you will continue to retrogress. Knowledge is intellectual, but comprehension is of the heart. One may know intellectually that masturbation, fornication, or drugs are harmful. An alcoholic or drug addict knows what they are doing is wrong. Yet they continue to indulge in these destructive habits because they do not COMPREHEND their actions or the harm their behavior causes.
The sole reason students continue to fornicate in these studies is a lack of comprehension. Reading how lust is harmful will not do anything. Only comprehending karma and the effects of bad behavior will lead to change. If you comprehend how lust destroys your soul, you will never dare engage in such activities again. Comprehension transcends intellectual knowledge and guides our heart. If you do not follow the hidden inclinations of the heart, then you will continue to allow yourself to suffer.
Laziness is not only an ego, but the sleep of our psyche. One can be very engaged with work and daily routines, have established tremendous discipline in time management, and yet be TOTALLY asleep as a consciousness. Therefore in this manner we continue to feed all our defects and desires.
Joyful in hope, suffering in tribulation, be thou constant in thy prayer.
Benedictis, qui venit in nomine Domini. Osanna in excelsis.
"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. Hosanna in the highest!"