Getting to know my Inner God

My last post was on my terrible vice of masturbation. I'm brand new to these studies and am not yet in touch with my inner God. I practiced Runes quite a bit;but, not nearly enough. I am lazy. I had another setback today after nearly three weeks not masturbating. That vice has caused me nothing but anguish in my life and I truly want it to stop. I feel like an alcoholic trying to give up drinking at times. The Runes help tremendously and I need to use them more often instead of being lazy and doing things half way. I have figured out what my problem is by reading through this forum. I am lazy and do not know my Inner God. I certainly can not achieve conscious Astral travel when I start burning up energy that way. I am brand new to the path and; am not at a crossroads at all. I know what I want to do. I want to know God. I just have no idea how to get in touch with my inner God. My laziness is a problem that I need to deal with for sure. I feel that; if I can just get that laziness under control, I can study and practice everything that I need.

Gnostic treatments for the affliction of Attention Deficit Disorder would be helpful. I'm not sure what anyone's advice on that would be. I have no idea how to find out until I can talk to my God. I have a fear for my soul and that is why I am so adamant about starting down this path. I feel;somehow, that I am wrong in that approach. I should be going down this path because I want to know my Inner God and not because I am afraid. I have so many issues to deal with and should really trying to keep the worrying about such issues in check. I'm determined to keep working on this. And I also feel this need to help the World in some way. I don't know how.

As others have advised on this forum, my Inner God would know the answer to that. But; how do I begin the communication with my Inner God? I'm obviously not studying enough to know where any references to such things would be. I got angry after my setback today and began calling myself an "ignorant fool". That too;is wrong I know. Anger and hateful language should never be used. I know all of these things intellectually;but, I really don't comprehend them. That is my problem. What can I do to establish communication with my Inner God?

Learning meditation is an obvious step. The Runes are something I believe more and more in all the time. I should know that they work instead of merely believing. What are some good ways to start? I can't afford to buy all of the books I need at once. So; what are some good books to begin with. All of them are wonderful! I own the Yellow Book; which I am convinced is more advanced. I should have gotten something much simpler. I had no idea at the time. I also have audiobook versions of the Introduction to Gnosis and the Perfect Matrimony.

What is a good starting place for a person who has learned a little bit of information? I have a lot to learn about art, philosophy, science, and most importantly, this doctrine. I need to know my Inner God and feel the yearning to do so. I also have a lot of Karma to negotiate from this life alone. I have no idea about the others as of yet. Please help. Everyone please be patient with me. I'm sure most of you will be.