My last post was on my terrible vice of masturbation. I'm brand new to these studies and am not yet in touch with my inner God. I practiced Runes quite a bit;but, not nearly enough. I am lazy. I had another setback today after nearly three weeks not masturbating. That vice has caused me nothing but anguish in my life and I truly want it to stop. I feel like an alcoholic trying to give up drinking at times. The Runes help tremendously and I need to use them more often instead of being lazy and doing things half way. I have figured out what my problem is by reading through this forum. I am lazy and do not know my Inner God. I certainly can not achieve conscious Astral travel when I start burning up energy that way. I am brand new to the path and; am not at a crossroads at all. I know what I want to do. I want to know God. I just have no idea how to get in touch with my inner God. My laziness is a problem that I need to deal with for sure. I feel that; if I can just get that laziness under control, I can study and practice everything that I need.
Gnostic treatments for the affliction of Attention Deficit Disorder would be helpful. I'm not sure what anyone's advice on that would be. I have no idea how to find out until I can talk to my God. I have a fear for my soul and that is why I am so adamant about starting down this path. I feel;somehow, that I am wrong in that approach. I should be going down this path because I want to know my Inner God and not because I am afraid. I have so many issues to deal with and should really trying to keep the worrying about such issues in check. I'm determined to keep working on this. And I also feel this need to help the World in some way. I don't know how.
As others have advised on this forum, my Inner God would know the answer to that. But; how do I begin the communication with my Inner God? I'm obviously not studying enough to know where any references to such things would be. I got angry after my setback today and began calling myself an "ignorant fool". That too;is wrong I know. Anger and hateful language should never be used. I know all of these things intellectually;but, I really don't comprehend them. That is my problem. What can I do to establish communication with my Inner God?
Learning meditation is an obvious step. The Runes are something I believe more and more in all the time. I should know that they work instead of merely believing. What are some good ways to start? I can't afford to buy all of the books I need at once. So; what are some good books to begin with. All of them are wonderful! I own the Yellow Book; which I am convinced is more advanced. I should have gotten something much simpler. I had no idea at the time. I also have audiobook versions of the Introduction to Gnosis and the Perfect Matrimony.
What is a good starting place for a person who has learned a little bit of information? I have a lot to learn about art, philosophy, science, and most importantly, this doctrine. I need to know my Inner God and feel the yearning to do so. I also have a lot of Karma to negotiate from this life alone. I have no idea about the others as of yet. Please help. Everyone please be patient with me. I'm sure most of you will be.