I have been wandering confused all my life hence the screen name. I stumbled across this site by pure coincidence even though I don't believe in them. I chose the title I did because I am so depressed and have been contemplating suicide to stop the pain. There is much pain for a plethora of reasons. Some self inflicted and some inflicted up on me. I am starting to tear up as I write this because everything is bubbling just below the surface. I don't really even know where to start! The link that brought me here was to the perfect matrimony. I began reading it and became even more hopeless.
I am 46, divorced, have a various range of mental issues (or so I have been diagnosed), take all kinds of meds (prescribed of course), have several physical ailments, having surgery the 18th - and scared I might not make it, am almost a recluse because I can no longer tolerate people, bitter over the hand that life has dealt me, have trouble sleeping, lost custody of my child (past tense - she is now 26 and we have a horrible relationship), have defiled my body in more ways than I care to count, I have anger that seethes out of every cell in my body and the list goes on. The bottom is falling out from under me!
What is a good place to start here so that I can begin the healing process? Are there people with whom you can talk to here?