Hello.
Li' ol' modest me, AlexWalex here.
I love going regularly to Gnosis lectures, but there are a couple of things that raise a flag in my mind already, and I want to state them first in terms of what I positively desire before I state them in the usual manner of relating a problem. So here goes, positively:
1. I need a gnostic teacher who will preserve the entire Gnostic lecture time for the Gnosis students, please.
2. I need a gnostic teacher who will gladly avail me to the larger Gnostic community, if such exists in my physical/geographical area, please.
Now please allow me to tell what the matter is with each of these.
Regarding 1:
I attend a weekly meeting to receive a Gnostic teaching in a place where free public rooms are reserved for the asking. For several times in a row already the Gnostic teacher from whom I have been receiving teachings proceeds to allow the persons who had the room reserved from a previous time to linger on in the room into the time reserved for the Gnosis lesson. She actually encourages them to do this, telling them that it is alright and that they can stay to finish their business. She refuses to do the right and expected procedure, which is to contact the management of the place, who actually are right there and available, and to ask them to please ensure that the room has been vacated from its previous users
My friends, we all know that the normal procedure is to ask the management to ensure that the room is vacated because the reservation goes through the management from the start, and thus the management is in a position to regulate this, and also because a room user asking the previous people to leave can potentially result in an altercation, thus management is the proper buffer from the start. But my Gnosis teacher, the one from whom I've been receiving lectures so far, does not understand this. I've shared this with a couple of friends and I find them being extremely surprised at this, to where they want to think that maybe my teacher is inviting them to the lecture, or maybe she is a pushover. But neither of those are true. She tells them that they are welcome to stay for as long as it takes to finish their own business in the room, and she is not a pushover, she is rather desirous of wielding authority and being regarded as the ultimate word, and everyone in her presence should be humble. I know the latter because I received that as an answer when I challenged her at one time for switching the lecture agenda on me.
More, I now am sure, just for myself, that she actually wants to intentionally cause for the Gnosis lecture time to be reduced, and this is because the last time she pulled her above-describe stunt, she had sat down on a chair outside the room, with her back turned towards the room. And why? So as to ensure that she won't be able to see whether the previous people have vacated the room yet or not, and this already being well past the end of their reserved time and well into the Gnosis lesson reserved time. And why in turn to that? My teacher does this in order to make sure that more time passes and is lost from the room time reserved for the Gnosis lecture.
My friends, after I have read some of the writings of Samael, from the books I ordered from Glorian, I now think that this Gnosis teacher of mine is turned evil and that she is a black magician. This alone is a good enough reason for me to be seeking another Gnosis teacher, a righteous one, please, either online or in my geographic area.
Let me anticipate something, if I may: Why don't I just read the readily available Gnosis lessons on this site? I can. And I do. I am a type of a traditionally-minded student who has been conditioned from many years of learning to do better in my learning when I receive an in-person lecture/review of the written material. There is just something to an in-person lesson which one can't put one's finger on. And I would be glad to merely read the online lessons if I were in an isolated place. But I am in Chicago.
Regarding 2:
I have been asking the very same Gnosis teacher to please introduce me to the wider circle of Gnosis people in the local area. She began putting off this request by telling me that this will occur in time. It has been months already, and I reitereated this request several times, to no avail. I finally told my teacher that it is plain and obvious to me that she does not want me to get to know the Gnosis people in the area, and I asked her for the reason why. I told her to start leveling with me. Her response was that she is intentionally keeping me away from the Gnosis gatherings in the area because she says that my heart chacra is not open, and that if I go and meet the other Gnosis people, they will remark negatively, as in this manner: "Look at this person. Oh why is his heart chacra not open yet? And just who is supposed to be the teacher, then? What sort of teacher left him in such a state!". Thus, to be clear, it was put to me in a manner of my inadequacy being a great shame which reflects badly on the Gnosis teacher.
I personally think that the above reason which I was given is a fake excuse, whether my heart chacra is truly open or not. It is logical to think that there would be Gnosis students of all levels in a gathering, and that being someone who has just started out should not be shameful.
What I know is that evil people who wish to do harm to others tend to first isolate the person who has been targeted. Murderers, and rapists do that, but also bullies and various types of con artists and beguilers do that. This is because when they separate a person from the balancing and safety and community which occurs in a group of people, they can more easily ply their intentions upon that person. These intentions could be false teachings, or in the least, a power trip.
Help! I love God, I love Quetzal Coatl and I love Gnosis and Samael, and I want to be taught properly, and in a community of Gnostics. I want to feel the warmth of a gathering of God-loving people. And if there aren't enough of them in and around Chicago, Illinois, then in the least I want to receive Gnostic teachings in a protected sacred time, when people who are studying secular subjects in the study room are not allowed to linger.
Is there anyone controlling this stuff? Is there a hierarchy holding the teachers accountable in some way? My desire is only to get a positive outcome, so I am not mentioning any names. However...CHICAGO! I need help here in Chicago, of all places.
Thanks for reading. And thanks much in my anticipation of being helped and remedied on this matter.
AlexWalex