1) Hello people from gnostic teachings online. I've been planning for a while to make the goat's testicle boiled in milk thing, not 'cus i have erection problems( i kind of do but thats not important, my erections are not as rigid as i expected), but because i'm experiencing lack of testosterone symptons, so this practice would help. A lot. But i need help, if someone did this before, i dont know how much milk to put in, and if there's something i should be aware of. I need to know that because goat testicles are hard to find over here, and i intend to take this concoction everyday for months i don't know for how long i should drink it. Please someone answer it, those questions about the goat testicle are the more important, the following are other minor questions i make so i make only one thread instead of many.
2) Another thing is that i want some personality changes. Im quiet, "shy", talking is hard for me in places out of my house, but not all the time. The problem actually is that my head is noisy, im always talking to myself (thats when i forget my self observation, im working on that. I discovered that im a terrible person on the inside) and im trying to change that but its taking too long. I wanted to be able to speak my mind out and how i feel so people would understand me and all, but those must be just teenage problems and will go away, or not, so if anyone experienced shyness or communication problems and went through it please help. Im killing my egos and always remembering about my inner being and trying to change, but theres something missing. (maybe im too mechanical and indentified, im working on that too)
3) I also would like to know if its better if i marry soon, im 17 and i want to marry really soon so i have will be looking for a wife, There's the problem, i don't know if i look for a gnostic woman or "teach" it to the one i choose so my only one. I know marriage is a complicated thing and i will have to be with that person for the rest of my life, but im not desperate, i wont marry the first girl i meet. And i also know that everyone has free will and if my wife doesnt want to go forward in the esoteric studies, i'll be ok with that. AND i also know that wife and family is something ruled by karma, but i respect the law and if i have to wait a long time for having wife and children, im ready to wait. The actual question is if i should marry and engage in sexual magic as soon as i complete sexual maturity or if i should wait, its really just a question for opinion.
4) And when i'm doing single sexual transmutation with tha Ham-Sah mantra, i feel a sensation like the ones of sexual excitement, but those are in my brain and chest. When i inhale and mentally pronouce the mantra HAM i "feel" the energy coming up and filling my brain, and produce a sensation like the ones of orgasm but in my head, then my eyes lose some focus, then when i exhale, i feel the energy going down to my chest, but i dont really always feel them going to my heart. I want to know if it's a common sensation and if it happens the same when people are practicing the maithuna together.
5) My next question is about job. I wanna be a doctor, an endocrinologist to be exact, but doctors(mostly endocrinologists) give away medicines that help healing the endocrine glands( which are the physical parts of chakras) and i dont know if those remedies and medicines do something bad to the chakras and thus stucking the spiritual development of an individual, so i dont know if i'll be doing something that will accumulate karma for me and make people suffer, i wanna help people get healed which is why i wanna be a doctor. I also would like to know if it's dangerous to pray for my patients, since i don't wanna mix my spiritual journey with my job( which means, i dont wanna get paid over a healing that angels did, i want to get paid because of my diagnosis and medicine prescriptions which are all a common doctor can do for its patients) and accumulate EVEN MORE karma to me.
Well that's all i think, maybe i forgot something but that's ok. Also i apologise for my poor writing, english is not my mother language and im not used to make tidy topics so its basically a mess. I ask you that you read with attention each word and try to understand what im asking, and answer me.
Thanks in advance for the brave person who could read and understand all the things i said and reflected upon it to give me a good solution.