Wednesday, 01 February 2012
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<p>In the lecture The Importance of This Moment it was mentioned about our expectations of others and life in general as well as our desires being the case of our suffering. Thinking about my expectations and desires and how true that is I decided to consciously not have any expectations and desires and to try to see the situation, the person and life as is through self observation, self remembering and transformation of impressions as it was explained in the lecture. So far so good even though it is not that simple and easy but at least I am doing a conscious effort every day from moment to moment.</p>
<p>Even though I am confident in letting go of my expectations from my husband as it is only my psychological work and does not affect him directly or if you like it affects him positively as we argue less because I don't get upset, or mad or angry or frustrated that he is not molding in the way I want him to be. What I am having trouble now is his expectations from me. He is expecting certain things from me that I don't want to do, or am not in a situation to do so or for whatever reason I can't do what he is expecting of me or at least not in that particular moment or that particular way. So how do we come to terms? Do I just do what he is asking me to do sacrificing my own needs in a particular situation to make him happy and spare the argument or do I fulfill my needs and let him go off at me. For example asking me for all of us to go out to catch up with friends, expecting me to just get dressed and off we go where as I am in the middle of something or even if it is for later that day I would have planned to do something that I wouldn't want to leave it for the next day for whatever reason. Or even simply planned to to meditate or just relax after a busy day. He gets so annoyed if I don't fulfill his wish as he expects me to do so disregarding my situation and plans.</p>
<p>One of the biggest expectation that he has of me is to have a second child and than not long after the second a third one as well. Not that I don't want another child, there are two problems at the moment. One being that I want t get as healthy as possible to be able to give my second child the best start in life(have been changing my diet lately quite drastically) therefore the time being the problem. And the other reason is that I don't want to have children with him anymore in the state that our marriage is at the moment. I don't feel the connection, the affection, the blissful love that we once had(or at least I think we had), there are more arguments and dissagrements and disapotements from each other. One of the reasons is that I've been gradually changing since I discovered the GT and therefore my values and interests have changed as well as how I view things about life in general. I believe I've changed for the better and he believes I live in a different world far from reality. So is it now my expectation of how we should be as a couple in order to have another child interfering in my decision and his expectation of me?? Is my expectation founded or is it simply and idea, an expectation of how our marriage should be for us to be able to bring up more children(marriage based on love, understanding, affection, connection, respect, acceptance and so on)? If it is just an expectation of our marriage, than should I just let it go and just accept his will for a second child and do it, make him happy?</p>
<p>So I am not asking for someone to let me know if i should have a second child or not, I would like find out if my idea of how our marriage should be in order to have a child just an unreliable expectation of mine that I have to let go or is it something worth holding onto and pursuing? Basically part of my question is how should one tackle someone elses expectations that they have from us? Also is there some information on this website about communication in resolving disagreements? I've been practicing a bit of Non Violent Communication but my husband seems to get annoyed by my Active Listening(maybe I am not doing it properly yet). Thank you:)</p>
10 years ago
·
#525
Accepted Answer
I am not qualified to answer most of your questions, and can only suggest that your problems are a wonderful opportunity to learn a lot.

Regarding children, while reading your post this came into my mind:

"Likewise, it is necessary to tell the parents that children must be conceived out of love, and not out of animal passion. It is cruel and merciless to project our animal desires, our violent sexual passions, our morbid sentimentalism and our bestial emotions, upon our descendants." - Samael Aun Weor


My suggestion would be to meditate and reflect, and be patient. If you trust your Being, you will be guided in what to do.

"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." - Samael Aun Weor

10 years ago
·
#525
Accepted Answer
I am not qualified to answer most of your questions, and can only suggest that your problems are a wonderful opportunity to learn a lot.

Regarding children, while reading your post this came into my mind:

"Likewise, it is necessary to tell the parents that children must be conceived out of love, and not out of animal passion. It is cruel and merciless to project our animal desires, our violent sexual passions, our morbid sentimentalism and our bestial emotions, upon our descendants." - Samael Aun Weor


My suggestion would be to meditate and reflect, and be patient. If you trust your Being, you will be guided in what to do.

"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." - Samael Aun Weor

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