Thursday, 12 September 2013
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I am desperately seeking some guidance on this. I apologize if it is not the right place to ask, but I really need help. I have suffered from a severe anxiety disorder my whole life but have never been on medication due to conflicted views on this type of "treatment." I am 23 years old but haven't worked a job in practically my whole life due to a very crippling anxiety. I have always avoided social situations, but in this past year since rediscovering my purpose in life, I have analyzed how I have been living and changed a lot of things, but I struggle so much with this one defect that no amount of effort or prayer can ease the pain.

I cannot go for a walk even in my neighborhood without feeling an instinctual, very habitual impulse to tense up as soon as I see someone whether they are in a vehicle or walking past me. This is combined with a sense of paranoia and self-consciousness. This affects the way I walk, almost as though I have to make intense effort to even just take a step forward. I used to walk to help my anxiety but it has just gotten so much worse over the past year. This is often combined with neck tremors and a very intense internal "pressure", a feeling of needing to get away. It is basically a panic attack, but it happens in almost every situation of life, whether a walk, a conversation with a family member, etc. I basically avoid all social situations in life for a lack of any real choice. College is the only place I have really been going regularly. And even so, by the time my lectures are over, I can feel all of my energy completely drained due to the tension both internally and physically that controlled me because I am around others.

I have read so many lectures about self-observation and learning how to pay attention, yet my anxiety makes even functioning as a human being nearly impossible. I wish I were exaggerating, but at times, it feels like I have exert tremendous willpower just to move from point A to point B or to accomplish a simple task (even if I'm by myself). There is just a lot of fear and tension and I cannot cultivate the serenity or willpower to be able to observe the chaos that is going on within myself despite daily efforts. It does not seem so much that there are thoughts, but more a problem with the motor center, but this is a mere guess. As soon as I start to observe myself, the tension triples and prevents that sense of tranquility that is needed to properly observe. This ego is keeping me very entrapped through this mechanism.

Even the small gains I do make in this work are inconsequential to this behemoth that I am clearly feeding without the intent to do so. It doesn't seem that I can help that I feel fear or anxiety. It just happens. I compare this with lust, anger, pride, etc. and I see a clear difference. I can stop those because I know they are wrong and it is a simple matter of not engaging within behaviors that produce them. However, to not engage in life (which seems to be the fuel for this ego) especially as I am getting older is only causing more harm than good.

My dreams at night have nonetheless become more vivid over the months as I continue to work with mantras and pranayama. These practices are likewise affected by the inability to relax and I feel are therefore considerably diminished in their effects, yet they can greatly subdue the tension in all three brains but only for a short duration. After about an hour, it "wears" off and especially once I am reintegrated into daily life, the anxiety comes back full force. I can sense a lot of symbols within my dreams, although I do not know what they mean, and there are a lot of scenarios in which I am being chased, attacked, betrayed, accused, or in which I am simply afraid, sometimes angry. It's a combination of paranoia and anxiety both during the day and at night.

What do the instructors feel is the best option for me at this point? I have read posts regarding medication as something that might be appropriate depending on the severity. I can't object to it if it is my only option.

I don't know if I need to elaborate any further and I will if necessary, but I feel as though the general response to these problems is to meditate, and I wholeheartedly agree. But I have battled these problems my whole life and particularly so since beginning this work with very intangible relief. I have pushed myself to extremes, forcing myself to be around people, to go for walks every day, to do mantras, pranayama, meditate, and so on. I have tried doing nothing but praying, meditating, spending hours trying to relax, and watching my mind, as well as going for 4-5 walks a day just to pay attention, so much to the point of developing sciatica and SI joint dysfunction which I have returned to my doctor several times to address. I have discovered that this is related to another ego that I need to work on and have since learned to live more balanced.

Nonetheless, thank you. I appreciate all of your time. I'm trying to develop the basic capacities to live life and help others rather than being forced to hide away. I will take any suggestions whatever they are very seriously and will not give up! It is possible that I have let this problem go for so long that it has become more complex than I am capable of understanding right now.
8 years ago
·
#4458
Accepted Answer
As we have suggested to other students with similar problems, medication may be the best option. I have known schizophrenic patients entering into gnostic studies who radically transformed themselves through a combination of both esoteric and allopathic practice.

Each case needs to be examined individually. Sometimes there just is no better option than a pill, as difficult as that may be to accept. While a lot of allopathic medications cause noticeable and detrimental side effects, this is not always the case with everyone. For example, I work specifically with schizophrenic individuals: one of my patients, who is also one of my gnostic students, is on an allopathic medication as well as a strong regiment of esoteric practice, namely: meditation, runes, and the sacred rites of rejuvenation (tiberan yantric yoga exercises). As a result of a combination of these things, he lives a fully engaged, practical, and fulfilling life, even after he had been hospitalized numerous times for hysteria, paranoid delusions, and auditory hallucinations. And amazingly, this individual does not have any other noticeable side effects to medication than a little drowsiness when taking the medication.

I would recommend you talk with different doctors about your case and weigh your options, but in terms of allopathic, holistic, ayurvedic, and other types of treatments. Sometimes meditation is not enough, since the illnesses of the internal bodies have already crystallized within the brain, nervous systems, and physical body.

Personally, I have great hope in my patients, even though they suffered extreme schizophrenic delusions or emotional behavioral issues, such as bi-polar disorder. The truth is that there are ways to treat these diseases through a combination of both esoteric and exoteric treatments. In terms of esoteric discipline, continue with meditation, pranayama, and transmutation. The more energy you transmute to your brain and to your heart, the more stable you will become, if you also get some medical help. The combination of both medical treatment and esoteric discipline can work wonders; it's just a matter of finding what medication works for you.

Work with the mantra Om Masi Padme Hum. This will sublimate the sexual forces to your heart, so as to reduce anxiety. It will also help you establish a deeper connection with your Intimate Christ, who is the great physician and doctor within your very being.

You can pray and supplicate to the Archangel Raphael and the Masters of Universal Medicine in your meditation. You can also hand write a letter to the Temple of Alden, addressing it to Raphael and His angels of medicine, sealing it in an envelope, bathing it in frankincense or another perfume, and thereafter burning it. The letter will travel to this temple if you direct your prayer, concentration and faith upon it, and thereafter the Lords of the Universal Mind will look into your case and give you treatments within the internal planes. One of my students received this kind of help after suffering an extreme schizophrenic episode. He awoke in the astral plane on a medical table on the planet Neptune, where a doctor treated his astral body and gave him much advice about how to conquer his illness. He was also helped by the Venerable Master Paracelsus, one of the greatest esoteric doctors to have lived on this planet.

Be at peace. Have faith. Do not dismay. Do what you can to find some medical treatments that can help you, and resign yourself to the will of God. There is always a way to treat such disorders, because Christ is the force of universal compassion.

May the most profound peace reign within your heart!

Joyful in hope, suffering in tribulation, be thou constant in thy prayer.

Benedictis, qui venit in nomine Domini. Osanna in excelsis.

"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. Hosanna in the highest!"

8 years ago
·
#4458
Accepted Answer
As we have suggested to other students with similar problems, medication may be the best option. I have known schizophrenic patients entering into gnostic studies who radically transformed themselves through a combination of both esoteric and allopathic practice.

Each case needs to be examined individually. Sometimes there just is no better option than a pill, as difficult as that may be to accept. While a lot of allopathic medications cause noticeable and detrimental side effects, this is not always the case with everyone. For example, I work specifically with schizophrenic individuals: one of my patients, who is also one of my gnostic students, is on an allopathic medication as well as a strong regiment of esoteric practice, namely: meditation, runes, and the sacred rites of rejuvenation (tiberan yantric yoga exercises). As a result of a combination of these things, he lives a fully engaged, practical, and fulfilling life, even after he had been hospitalized numerous times for hysteria, paranoid delusions, and auditory hallucinations. And amazingly, this individual does not have any other noticeable side effects to medication than a little drowsiness when taking the medication.

I would recommend you talk with different doctors about your case and weigh your options, but in terms of allopathic, holistic, ayurvedic, and other types of treatments. Sometimes meditation is not enough, since the illnesses of the internal bodies have already crystallized within the brain, nervous systems, and physical body.

Personally, I have great hope in my patients, even though they suffered extreme schizophrenic delusions or emotional behavioral issues, such as bi-polar disorder. The truth is that there are ways to treat these diseases through a combination of both esoteric and exoteric treatments. In terms of esoteric discipline, continue with meditation, pranayama, and transmutation. The more energy you transmute to your brain and to your heart, the more stable you will become, if you also get some medical help. The combination of both medical treatment and esoteric discipline can work wonders; it's just a matter of finding what medication works for you.

Work with the mantra Om Masi Padme Hum. This will sublimate the sexual forces to your heart, so as to reduce anxiety. It will also help you establish a deeper connection with your Intimate Christ, who is the great physician and doctor within your very being.

You can pray and supplicate to the Archangel Raphael and the Masters of Universal Medicine in your meditation. You can also hand write a letter to the Temple of Alden, addressing it to Raphael and His angels of medicine, sealing it in an envelope, bathing it in frankincense or another perfume, and thereafter burning it. The letter will travel to this temple if you direct your prayer, concentration and faith upon it, and thereafter the Lords of the Universal Mind will look into your case and give you treatments within the internal planes. One of my students received this kind of help after suffering an extreme schizophrenic episode. He awoke in the astral plane on a medical table on the planet Neptune, where a doctor treated his astral body and gave him much advice about how to conquer his illness. He was also helped by the Venerable Master Paracelsus, one of the greatest esoteric doctors to have lived on this planet.

Be at peace. Have faith. Do not dismay. Do what you can to find some medical treatments that can help you, and resign yourself to the will of God. There is always a way to treat such disorders, because Christ is the force of universal compassion.

May the most profound peace reign within your heart!

Joyful in hope, suffering in tribulation, be thou constant in thy prayer.

Benedictis, qui venit in nomine Domini. Osanna in excelsis.

"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. Hosanna in the highest!"

8 years ago
·
#4464
Thank you so much. For some reason, I always viewed certain medicines negatively, but I can see that what is harmful is not doing anything. It's good to know there are many options available to those who suffer. I will seek the help I need and continue with my practices. I have noticed that they help me tremendously, it is simply a matter of patience. Again, thank you! :)
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