As we know, Samael states, the stage of life he refers to as "Youth", being 21-28, then a second stage being 28-35.
He mentions the basic problem of this portion of life, is marriage.
Because my age from 21-24, in this youth, I find for myself, immense difficulty dealing with properly directing the sexual force, because it is so potent, and there is so much of it. Without daily pranayama, this can have such detrimental effect. I feel that this is a battle I seem to be getting better in dealing with as I continue to understand how it works.. And I feel very blessed to understand this..
But even still, I find, as I continue to work on myself, it feels the path gets even more painful, rocky, harsh, and confusing..
Metaphorically speaking... As I progress 4 units forward, I receive 6 units of resistance back, from the amount of my daily life's suffering, toil, and heavy impressions. Always resulting in this view, as if I am always making negative progress, yet, if I look years back, I see I am doing better, yet I remain suffering, and my intellects confusion, increases.
For example, in the past few months, I've met 3 girls, all of which I see as ideal partners, whom are really interested in the teachings.. Yet my mind and heart is utterly confused, had it not been 3, and just 1, I would have fool myself I was in love. It is very worrisome to feel you've genuinely fallen in love, 3 times in a single month.. The contradiction is quite obvious.. I feel like the challenge I am facing, is now physical, and no longer internal.. But now I'm dealing with real people, and real consequences, and I can't simply "avoid the issue, until I am really prepared". Samael says the youth, cannot tell the difference between passion, and love. I know this is the case with me.
There is so much mental conditioning in this western world, as to the functionality of male-female interaction, the whole thing seems like an utter, mind boggling trap. Knowing what the right thing to do is, without hurting these peoples progress as a spiritual aspirant.
This is the only view that I have that isn't confused. That regardless of results, my only hopes are that I don't somehow mess up these individuals spiritual progress, because, "the devil wants to play chess", and makes these poor peoples way of discovering gnosis, somehow through me..
As we know, to properly help someone we must be detached from the results, but I find that may be slightly impossible for me in this scenario, because I'm barely able to discern what the proper thing to do is..
I can deal with my own mixed emotions, and thoughts, on my own terms, but I would greatly appreciate as much advise you can give me, in regards to what the proper action, and cautions I should take.
Maybe even as well, possibly a list of the different chapters samael might write on this, to reflect on. anytime he mentions the subject. I've only read revolutionary psychology, fundamentals of education, the great rebellion, and a bit of the revolution of the dialectic, so, thats my studying history with his books, the rest I don't know a single thing about., and I know he wrote like 70 books.. so of course knowing where to look would help.