Hello!
I'm new on my journey of working with my ego. Observing it and learning it. With our personal relationships, our ego comes out a lot (or mine does, at least). I've been really trying to understand and move forward from my egoic nature, but one place I get caught up on is my romantic/personal relationships.
I've looked a lot of places for an answer, but I've struggled to find a fully-fleshed one that has all the guidance I need. I've found this Glorian resource on it in Here and Now, Psychoanalysis Part 1. It describes a situation where one partner gets upset at another partner for not taking the trash out after being asked multiple times (the kind of thing that irritates my ego in my own relationship, among other things). This is what it says:
"So you're really having this relationship, that is not a parent-child relationship, it is two adults, but you want to tell the other person what to do, or they're not agreeing to it, the relationship is not set up the way you want it to be. So really when you start to think about it in that perspective, “it may be true that I'm always the one doing it, but really what is causing me the suffering is that the world is not the way that I want it to be.”
At that point you have the choice, relaxing and either accepting the world as it is, or not. That doesn't mean you completely understand that event, it doesn't mean that you completely comprehended that event but it might help you overcome that countertransference. What is written there is not that structural and transactional analysis will completely comprehend your ego, this is a way to help overcome some of this countertransference. It is by what is looking at what is going on and seeing what state your ego is in."
I'm still very confused. If my partner does something repeatedly after I tell them not to or vice versa, I don't know how I can just let it go. I know that this is the "resentful" aspect, but I still don't understand. I worry that it teaches that I can be treated however they wish to, whether or not it's respectful. I don't think it's too much to ask to be treated respectfully in a relationship. Where do you draw the line? What is considered "harm?". I don't know how to navigate "wrong-doing" in relationships coming from this perspective, because if we take the stance that "nothing is wrong or good, only neutral" we can set ourselves up to be genuinely mistreated by somebody. But---I also see the perspective that's written here. It wasn't expanded upon much beyond this, but I feel like it's much more complicated than that.
Thank you for reading, I appreciate it!
I'm new on my journey of working with my ego. Observing it and learning it. With our personal relationships, our ego comes out a lot (or mine does, at least). I've been really trying to understand and move forward from my egoic nature, but one place I get caught up on is my romantic/personal relationships.
I've looked a lot of places for an answer, but I've struggled to find a fully-fleshed one that has all the guidance I need. I've found this Glorian resource on it in Here and Now, Psychoanalysis Part 1. It describes a situation where one partner gets upset at another partner for not taking the trash out after being asked multiple times (the kind of thing that irritates my ego in my own relationship, among other things). This is what it says:
"So you're really having this relationship, that is not a parent-child relationship, it is two adults, but you want to tell the other person what to do, or they're not agreeing to it, the relationship is not set up the way you want it to be. So really when you start to think about it in that perspective, “it may be true that I'm always the one doing it, but really what is causing me the suffering is that the world is not the way that I want it to be.”
At that point you have the choice, relaxing and either accepting the world as it is, or not. That doesn't mean you completely understand that event, it doesn't mean that you completely comprehended that event but it might help you overcome that countertransference. What is written there is not that structural and transactional analysis will completely comprehend your ego, this is a way to help overcome some of this countertransference. It is by what is looking at what is going on and seeing what state your ego is in."
I'm still very confused. If my partner does something repeatedly after I tell them not to or vice versa, I don't know how I can just let it go. I know that this is the "resentful" aspect, but I still don't understand. I worry that it teaches that I can be treated however they wish to, whether or not it's respectful. I don't think it's too much to ask to be treated respectfully in a relationship. Where do you draw the line? What is considered "harm?". I don't know how to navigate "wrong-doing" in relationships coming from this perspective, because if we take the stance that "nothing is wrong or good, only neutral" we can set ourselves up to be genuinely mistreated by somebody. But---I also see the perspective that's written here. It wasn't expanded upon much beyond this, but I feel like it's much more complicated than that.
Thank you for reading, I appreciate it!