hello instructors and thank you for this opportunity
so i understand that when I have a desire to, say play video games, that is my ego nagging me to feed. When I sit and play that game is it or me or my ego playing. Is it that when I am playing it asleep that is my ego? But if I try playing it awake wouldn't that be similar to black magic b/c i am focusing on a fruitless activity and perhaps awakening that ego?
I believe I have developed a false sense of self observation. Throughout the day I am identified with a certain ego I will say more than 50% of the time, not even counting the other ones. It's an overwhelming sense of exertion that is hard to control once it has begun and it has led to "social anxiety" tendencies. Pretty much has took over my life. Sometime when I try to self observe there is always a chance that i will identify with it and if i do it's a tough battle and usually i remained identified with it for a long period of time afterwards. it's like i have awakened an ego. (I believe it has something to do with being afraid to be afraid and then the cycle happens). It also is completly different from when I am actually self observing, which will happen sporadically when I do it before I "try" to. Please forgive my personal question.
I have read your klipoth teachings in the kabbalah section and it was very helpful and in-sighting. Is there a book out there that describes and teaches about the environment of hell in more detail? I have also read revolution of beelzebub.
P.S. Just wanted to suggest a food blog perhaps of different recipe's of healthy food to make for oneself. and perhaps maybe lectures solely on each 7 deadly sin and then it's virtue.
so i understand that when I have a desire to, say play video games, that is my ego nagging me to feed. When I sit and play that game is it or me or my ego playing. Is it that when I am playing it asleep that is my ego? But if I try playing it awake wouldn't that be similar to black magic b/c i am focusing on a fruitless activity and perhaps awakening that ego?
I believe I have developed a false sense of self observation. Throughout the day I am identified with a certain ego I will say more than 50% of the time, not even counting the other ones. It's an overwhelming sense of exertion that is hard to control once it has begun and it has led to "social anxiety" tendencies. Pretty much has took over my life. Sometime when I try to self observe there is always a chance that i will identify with it and if i do it's a tough battle and usually i remained identified with it for a long period of time afterwards. it's like i have awakened an ego. (I believe it has something to do with being afraid to be afraid and then the cycle happens). It also is completly different from when I am actually self observing, which will happen sporadically when I do it before I "try" to. Please forgive my personal question.
I have read your klipoth teachings in the kabbalah section and it was very helpful and in-sighting. Is there a book out there that describes and teaches about the environment of hell in more detail? I have also read revolution of beelzebub.
P.S. Just wanted to suggest a food blog perhaps of different recipe's of healthy food to make for oneself. and perhaps maybe lectures solely on each 7 deadly sin and then it's virtue.