I am single. Working on transmutation every day. i dont masturbate (anymore), nor do i have nocturnal emissions. i am not free from lust though, far from it. But, honestly i can say, lust has not overwhelmed me for more than a few moments at a time, when i snap back and realize that i am falling into the self-enjoyment trap of my own false ego, and thus immediately take corrective measures, which include meditation.
So here is my embarassing question. Why is it that sometimes, during evacuation, a drop of white semen comes out of my male organ. Its a bit upsetting, because i feel that somehow i am cheating myself then. I think its the pressure that one generates in their pelvic area to clean the bowels. Its not excessive at all, just normal. Sometimes it happens once a week, sometimes twice. I dont suffer from any prostrate malady, nor is there other abnormality. I have gotten myself checked out. So that would mean, that during my sublimation practice, especially because it is more than 1 time per day, that the matter that would have been discharged (during animal copulation) is i suppose being pooled in the prostratic area? And so i suppose further, that it is not being absorbed back into my system, and so the excess? is being pushed out. But this is not fair. Somehow then, arent i failing? the whole point is that you retain the matter. But here i am, failing on this fundamental matter, because of something simple and basic as emptying my bowels. Can anyone think of any other reason, or any advice? I am a normal fit male, and i exrcise moderately thrice a week, i am doing some crunches to strengthen my abs, hoping that that might help, but it seems that its unconnected.
Am i doomed?