I know cockroaches are an involutive type of animal, but what is their specific meaning?

I ask this because throughout my entire life they were the insect I was the most afraid of. Even spiders are no problem for me, but if I see a cockroach, I feel very threatened, sometimes I leave the room and ask another person to kill it... and it's not like I'm a very cowardly man or anything... I even once caught a burglar inside my house and that didn't affect me much

Recently I had a horrible nightmare where my body was full of cockroaches, and after I woke up, when I was listening to classical music(the nutcracker) I had a vision of my body being full of cockroaches, as if it was some kind of subjective clairvoyant perception. These "spiritual" cockroaches were all over and inside my body. Disgusting!

Then I thought to myself, "what if I'm so afraid of cockroaches because I'm the cockroach itself?"

Perhaps the thing we are the most afraid of are what we truly are? I'm afraid of cockroaches because cockroaches live inside me?