I understand Almustafa, awakening as a demon is very bad.
It's my evil will, my inner Caifas that says "screw it, just become a demon already. Go and perform vile actions as much as you like"
It's my desire, my inner Judas that says "just go and enjoy the pleasures. They aren't that bad. If you become a demon, so what? Everyone is already a demon"
It's my indifference, my inner Pilate that says "it's not my fault if I go to hell. Society made me like this; it's archangel Sakaki's fault, etc. No one cares if I go to hell, so neither do I"
I recognize that I'm wrong, but I can't help but feel very bitter for having the bad luck of existing in one of the worst planets in the entire universe. Were I to live somewhere else, I could be enjoying heaven or nirvana right now, because the environment would be better.
As for Julius Caesar, I always disliked this figure, because monarchy, emperors and things like that always smelt of barbarism to me. I know Caesar did some good things, but does that change the evil that was inside him? While I admire Samael Aun Weor, I can't pay my respects to Julius Caesar. It's sad that many gnostics made a cult of personality out of Samael and thus they think Julius Caesar was some kind of perfect ruler with no defects, that can't be criticized. In fact it was this kind of fanaticism that drew me away from gnosis when I first discovered it when I was 16 years old. I'm happy that this website explains gnosis as it truly is, without justifying desire, and without becoming blind fanatics that are nothing but demons in disguise.
Not trying to hate on Julius Caesar here too, because we all have defects, -- I just think the "master" personality cult, the personality cult surrounding the family of a master, the personality cult surrounding the past lives of a master, etc, when done in a fanatical way are very toxic.