I'm not really sure how to put this into words. I'm 27. I've been studying into Gnosticism for about 7 years now. Though I was led to this knowledge and wisdom I still fell down a very dark path. I've given into my carnal desires in a very unhealthy way to the point where it has destroyed me.. Especially when drugs got involved. I feel as though my soul is gone or my astral body isn't a very dark and low place. 8 months ago a certain event happened and it almost felt like my heart and soul was weighed on the scales of Ma'at and trust me it did not weigh in my favor. I truly feel like my soul is gone and I have died spiritually. It's gotten to a point where all I think about is suicide all day. The spirit of life that was once inside of me is now gone and I feel completely dead. Looking back on all of the knowledge that I've studied I now understand what I'm going through. It seems as though it's the second death. I should have known better but I gave into material desires and I continued to spill the seed over and over again. I have become a beast and have completely died spiritually. It's really sucks and I did it to myself. I believe in order to attend eternal life that we have to develop our light body and have completely destroyed mine. I did not raise the Claustrum Oil. If anything I probably destroyed it and so all of these teachings make complete sense if you live like a beast you'll die like a beast. I guess my question is what are the consequences of Suicide to the Gnostics? I mean.. I'm already dead.