Hi.

I'm studying and meditating on Fear (and Lust and Pride). What I'm reading offers suggestions like meditating on impermanence and death. Right now I'm reading about endurance and willpower.

This is not the first time I've noticed that my fears and motivations seem to be inversed, I suspect due to PTSD. For example impermanence and death are not things I fear and are often sources of comfort. Instead permanence, routine, and endlessness cause anxiety.

I'll keep meditating on it, but I guess my question is whether you have insights on what might be more helpful for my life experience. Are there guided meditations on permanency like there are impermanence? Meditations on fear of violence and terror instead of a fear of death?

I'm also just not sure whether the goal is the same in my situation. Is the goal really to endur violence and abuse as we would endur "suffering" by taking refuge?

Thank you.