The truth is, despite knowing things such as the Rights of Canchorrita, First Selection, etc, I am totally terrified of the coming apocalypse. The events of the world in recent times indicate that the Third World War has perhaps already begun. And to add to it, I am a perfect fighting age male. I am looking forward to being drafted and sent to the “meat grinder.”
I am really just a weak and degenerated person. My mind is very degenerated. I am just beginning to heal the damages caused by fornication. What remote chance does someone like me have? Overcoming lust is already a tremendous battle alone. It is already terribly difficult to Self-Observe and Self-Remember. How am I going to Self-Observe when the nuclear war commences? What time will I have to meditate, between the chaos? It is hard to have any hope for myself in the coming situation. This makes me very afraid for my spiritual future, it makes me sometimes sick.