I’ve rewritten the question in order to improve it:
I honestly did not want to ask another question through this service which I am grateful for, because I wanted to use the influence of Gemini to be able to astral project and receive wisdom for myself. But here I am at a loss, and humbly request guidance.
Recently some egos of mine are causing problems: shame and self directed hatred. These are causing a lot of trouble in my life. It is difficult for me to approach this, because my these feelings are often based in truth.
Example 1: I can be a clumsy or careless person, and with these teachings this has improved, nevertheless, some things still manage to slip by me, even if I had the best intentions. It might be that I forget something, and someone insults me, because by forgetting I had caused a problem for them. Now I am filled with frustration against myself, and I am very disappointed. “How could I be so careless? I am an idiot, a disgrace, all I do is hurt others” etc etc.
Example 2: I have difficulty socially relating to others, and this can cause problems. For an example, I have had an antipathy for a Mr. X, someone who often causes me anger, and vice versa (though never intentionally). Well, one day I resolved myself to “kiss the whip of the executioner,” to be nice to this person, despite myself. This day he caused a difficulty for me, he was in a bad mood (this person has power over me at work), but at the end of the day I tried to say something nice to him, but it didn’t come out right. It was awkward, and I feel like it came off as “passive aggressive.” He left the room without saying a word… ouch. Now I am terrified I made it way worse, that my good intentions backfired horribly, that he is going to be angrier with me etc, and this is a legitimate issue that is troubling me a lot. The mind says: “See what you did? Your good intentions backfired, you can’t do anything right.” etc etc. My mind has been reminding me of this event constantly.
All of this makes it difficult and sometimes even impossible to meditate. I think to myself, how can someone like me deserve any happiness at all? How can someone incompetent at daily life progress on this path? Speaking to facts, I cannot honestly say I am incompetent, but this is how I fell most of the time. The logic of these thoughts are often very tight, clear examples of mistakes, of times I have (usually unintentionally) hurt other people, etc. And I am very awkward, and this causes daily stimulus for these feelings. Even lust is easier to see how it is negative, how it is false, and to meditate on it in that way. But most of these thoughts of self hatred are apparently true, and don’t even want me to meditate to begin with. How can I overcome these feelings?
Thank you! Inverential peace!
I honestly did not want to ask another question through this service which I am grateful for, because I wanted to use the influence of Gemini to be able to astral project and receive wisdom for myself. But here I am at a loss, and humbly request guidance.
Recently some egos of mine are causing problems: shame and self directed hatred. These are causing a lot of trouble in my life. It is difficult for me to approach this, because my these feelings are often based in truth.
Example 1: I can be a clumsy or careless person, and with these teachings this has improved, nevertheless, some things still manage to slip by me, even if I had the best intentions. It might be that I forget something, and someone insults me, because by forgetting I had caused a problem for them. Now I am filled with frustration against myself, and I am very disappointed. “How could I be so careless? I am an idiot, a disgrace, all I do is hurt others” etc etc.
Example 2: I have difficulty socially relating to others, and this can cause problems. For an example, I have had an antipathy for a Mr. X, someone who often causes me anger, and vice versa (though never intentionally). Well, one day I resolved myself to “kiss the whip of the executioner,” to be nice to this person, despite myself. This day he caused a difficulty for me, he was in a bad mood (this person has power over me at work), but at the end of the day I tried to say something nice to him, but it didn’t come out right. It was awkward, and I feel like it came off as “passive aggressive.” He left the room without saying a word… ouch. Now I am terrified I made it way worse, that my good intentions backfired horribly, that he is going to be angrier with me etc, and this is a legitimate issue that is troubling me a lot. The mind says: “See what you did? Your good intentions backfired, you can’t do anything right.” etc etc. My mind has been reminding me of this event constantly.
All of this makes it difficult and sometimes even impossible to meditate. I think to myself, how can someone like me deserve any happiness at all? How can someone incompetent at daily life progress on this path? Speaking to facts, I cannot honestly say I am incompetent, but this is how I fell most of the time. The logic of these thoughts are often very tight, clear examples of mistakes, of times I have (usually unintentionally) hurt other people, etc. And I am very awkward, and this causes daily stimulus for these feelings. Even lust is easier to see how it is negative, how it is false, and to meditate on it in that way. But most of these thoughts of self hatred are apparently true, and don’t even want me to meditate to begin with. How can I overcome these feelings?
Thank you! Inverential peace!
Accepted Answer
The answer is always the same: observe them in your three brains during the day, meditate on them in the evening, pray for help.
Look for antidotes: each ego uses a limited view to confuse you. When it does, remember it has an opposite, and use that to counter the attack.
This work is not quick or easy, and requires patience and a watchful presence, but it does bear fruit for the one who persists.
Look for antidotes: each ego uses a limited view to confuse you. When it does, remember it has an opposite, and use that to counter the attack.
This work is not quick or easy, and requires patience and a watchful presence, but it does bear fruit for the one who persists.
“Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes.” —Demosthenes
"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." —Samael Aun Weor
"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." —Samael Aun Weor
Accepted Answer
The answer is always the same: observe them in your three brains during the day, meditate on them in the evening, pray for help.
Look for antidotes: each ego uses a limited view to confuse you. When it does, remember it has an opposite, and use that to counter the attack.
This work is not quick or easy, and requires patience and a watchful presence, but it does bear fruit for the one who persists.
Look for antidotes: each ego uses a limited view to confuse you. When it does, remember it has an opposite, and use that to counter the attack.
This work is not quick or easy, and requires patience and a watchful presence, but it does bear fruit for the one who persists.
“Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes.” —Demosthenes
"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." —Samael Aun Weor
"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." —Samael Aun Weor
I have been unable to accept answers recently (perhaps this is intended), but this answers it simple and straight. Thank you.
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