Hello, dear instructors. I would like to follow up on a question that I asked a while back. The question was regarding the Divine Will and personal willpower, and went like this:
I have heard that eventually the Divine Will takes over the life of the initiate, including his actions, behavior, and decision-making. So it seems clear to me that I will be able to tell when the Divine Will has taken over my life because I will start to be moved by something greater, and that my actions will be effortless, spontaneous, and without deliberation. But I am not sure if I am interpreting this correctly. Like, for example, when the divine Will takes over, is this a permanent thing, or is it something that I have to constantly be attending to? Is it possible to lose the Divine Will once we attain it and revert back to the personal will as a result of a failure to be vigilant?
Almustafa charitably gave me the following answer:
Have you studied and meditated upon the following book? It addresses all your questions:
I have read and meditated upon Christ's Will
, and I understand that part of my journey involves figuring things out for myself, but I would really like to persist with this question considering that it's been haunting me for a while. And also because it involves a topic about which very little is known and very few people are qualified to talk about it.
My question isn't so much about whether the Divine Will can be lost due to a failure to be vigilant. It's more of a question about the extent to which one ought to prioritize the Divine Will. Let me explain.
I am working in an internship for a law firm right now. I chose that internship because it sets me up for the highest paying job that I can get. It's also a job that allows me to help humanity. But it often feels like I am expending too much energy and effort to make things work. The internship is very demanding. I have to wake up early every day. And I often don't get enough sleep for me to feel relaxed the next day. I also have to get things done quickly to meet deadlines, which puts additional pressure on me. The pressure often makes me behave more impatiently and violently.
I recall these passages from Christ's Will
The desire for security enslaves willpower, converting it into a prisoner of self-defensive barriers within which all human miseries are hidden.
Violence is the negative use of willpower.
My parents put a lot of pressure on me to be financially secure. But sometimes I can't help feeling that all of my career decisions have been based on security. I have long wondered if I would be better off prioritizing the relinquishment of my personal will. I know for a fact that repose rejuvenates me and makes me more compassionate. But I have always thought that I needed to balance repose with personal will. Now I am questioning that. And I am wondering if a balance is needed at all.
I have heard from many spiritual teachers that if one rests for long enough, they will eventually start to be moved by grace. It's just that I guess I have doubts about whether this really is true. Maybe I don't trust that this will actually happen, and therefore decide to take guidance from my personal will. Or maybe I think that things will turn out fine if I keep using my personal will as before, and that this is what normal people do. But it is becoming more and more burdensome for me to follow the personal will. I guess that I just need a little bit of affirmation about whether it's safe to fully let go of the personal will and just rest until grace starts to move me. Is it possible to go wrong with fully prioritizing rest and relaxation? Obviously the danger lies in giving in to the temptations of the personal will, and justifying them or believing that they are part of the effortlessness. But aside from that, would it be a bad idea to fully dedicate all of my time to resting and relaxation as a means of merging my personal will with the Divine Will?
I want that union more than anything. I want to give birth to that child.