Happy New year instructors

I don't know why but I don't feel anything anymore for a while , i hear my heart beat but I don't feel anything anymore ( joy, love, sadness ) , except when i fear something would happen, or something makes me angry ... but they are superficial.
Despite all of that I don't feel empty either.
And bizzarldly I can understand what the others feel when they talk me.
And sometimes I put my hand on my chest to see If I still have a heart.
It's a very weird feeling.

The only times that I feel something is when i pray.
Maybe I to need be connected to my divine mother or something but I don't know how to do it.

So i want to know If there's a book of Samael Aun Weor or a way to find out what happened to me or what is happening to me

Thank you.