Hello,
For the past several months, I have been struggling to figure out what I want to do with my (terrestrial) life and have had an inordinate amount of failures finding a career, or even just a low-level entry job. I probably need to figure it out this coming year.
I have lackadaisically tried to figure out this problem with the exercises offered in
Introduction to Gnosis (those exercises and jarring). I have meditated/thought a lot on what I want to do but just get more confused and frustrated. I have become baffled and distraught at the complexity of online application processes but have to live in the world ergo know how to work a computer. I am finding the entire career process futile since I put my heart and soul into so many applications that come back with a rejection, which is causing a lot of resentment, self-criticism, and a funny feeling in my abdomen.
It is all making me want the world to end because
I don't see anyone worth serving, but that sounds like a highly self-contradictory ego.
Ever since college I have placed
huge emphasis on a career being the summum of success and identity especially if it paid well. It allowed me to work (too) hard in getting a nice degree that I have no idea what to do with.
Practically speaking, do you all know of any good resources for employment? (not Glorian as we all know!
)
Also, during a recent lecture, I realized that I am neglecting my
spiritual vocation, which I now realize is a totally separate thing. Or is it?
I don't want my vocation to be circumstantial.
However, the differentiation between a worldly and spiritual calling is a surprising relief from mundane expectations of my personality. I am still neglecting the former though, and would like to combine my external vocation with my internal vocation, or is that a very long process of initiation like Beethoven and Michelangelo?
How do I go out into the world and find something worth doing?
Any insights into anything would be appreciated.
Regards & Best Wishes