Okay, I tried to avoid sharing too much personal specifics but reading this book is just throwing me for a loop. I read it once before on my own and am now reading it again with my wife.
So for example, for as long as we have been together we have always been just short of what we need to stay current on rent and utilities. We've found that it doesn't matter if we adjust our monthly expenses because the income gets adjusted right along with it. In other words, we cut our monthly necessities down by half. Then I get less work, or some unexpected expense happens and we are left just short of what we need. So it doesn't matter if we get into 3 bedroom or a studio, we always have just under what we need.
We're reading this book and it says get money so you can live. You should own a house, get money to help people, etc. Buy lottery tickets during the the tattva apas. Get money to dress nicely. It would consume all of my time to achieve all of that. When can I meditate if I'm working all the time? It doesn't matter anyway because we would always be just short of what we need and get behind and owe late fees. I'd rather just be done with it, I don't care about owning a house or having nice looking clothes. I'm not going to covet looking sharp so people have a good impression of Gnosis. Why is Samael so worried about appearances? I just want to wake up so I can be done with this. Owning a house, dressing nicely aren't going to do that for me. I mean I don't want to be done with it so I can abandon it. I would like like to help humanity but if I'm sitting around using the power the mind to buy a house what good is that?
We've always been short of money but we've always had a roof, food, and good enough clothes. We're never certain if we will get evicted or have to move in with parents or have enough for gas, etc. But some how it always works out in the end. Better late than never. I just thought we were getting to a point where we were accepting our financial lot in life and this book is dragging up money again. So, I guess I don't know what to do now. Be content or spend energy for more? Someday I would like to get a place where people could meditate and learn the doctrine, but is that covetous? Nothing fancy, just a peaceful warm place for our family and space where others could enjoy peace and get learning. I'm not advanced, but I could share the basics with people right? I mean isn't it our duty to work for others?