Study and implement the introductory practices and exercises from our online course: "Introduction to Gnostic Meditation," referenced below.
What will impel you to initiate and maintain your spiritual discipline is perception of its benefits within your daily life. If you do not realize how meditation can benefit you, you will not feel inspired to practice it. Yet when you comprehend its benefits through practical experience, you will naturally feel motivated to continue with it. As you have painfully realized, reading does not accomplish anything without practical application. This illustrates a serious point in this doctrine: without comprehending the purpose of a given practice through our own experience, we will fail to be consistent with it.
The Gnostic Meditation Course establishes a practical, straightforward and clear explication of the steps to achieve successful meditation. We recommend you follow its procedures in sequence and dedicate the time to actualizing its principles. As for masturbation, overcoming this terrible vice is a matter of perceiving its harmful consequences and practically comprehending the benefits of chastity from EXPERIENCE.
If you know masturbation causes harm, not merely from having read about it, but through conscious comprehension of how it damages your body, heart and mind, you will be inspired not to retrogress. Similarly, when you comprehend the positive results of chastity from the consciousness, you will naturally incorporate the discipline of transmutation within your daily life.
The meditation course can help you lay the foundation for the discipline you need to change. Study and implement its principles well, since the sequence of chapters work in a progressive and cumulative manner. If you work with the practices in their appropriate sequence and order, you will gradually experience the happiness and liberation prophesied by the great masters of humanity.
Start where you are at, and do not dismay. For repentance is the door to the path which leads out of suffering. What matters is that you sincerely wish to change and that you make the effort to do so.
Come, come, whoever you are.
Wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving — it doesn't matter,
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vow a hundred times,
Come, come again, come.
-Jalal al-Din Muhammad Rumi