Thank you for your answer!
I try not to pretend to being a fallen master, etc (I would love not to be and I hope not to be and I really hope I am not).
I have verified some things and other things when I was able to astral project and was meditating a lot, when I was converting my pain of losing something (that I will not mention here) into work, awakening of consciousness etc.
My consciousness experienced awakening in a positive and in a negative way this lifetime. But there are some experiences I can't comprehend to this day. And my mind becomes damaged every day more and more.
There was also recent event, that I disscussed with you in private topic. During that painful thing I started to work more on myself (even though it feels like my Father is silent, absent). I still remember how I spent whole night in astral (the land of the dead) with my great-grandparent (who is deceased for ~7 years now). Talking with him (me being semi awake, knowing I my body is asleep in bed and I am here, with a person who is dead, but was like father to me). The morning was somewhat joyful, yet bleak.
By "Take your experiences with a lot of scrutiny. Do not assume anything." do you also mean even in the moments when consciousness is awake?
Also is there any possible way for me to sleep on my back without snoring? I tried countless things, countless possitions, also poses (like lion pose, or that Aztec/Mayan pose when your legs are folded, head lifted a bit; or towel/pillows under neck). Nothing mitigates this hindarance.
You say that who wanted to flay me alive were my egos. How so I was unable to see through that even with my consciousness awake at that time?
I became sad yesterday, very sad, out of thin air. I went to meditate. I did a lot of deep concentration. At some moments it even felt like I became myself (not ego, but the feeling you have when you concentrate a lot, you somewhat change for few moments and feel like Innermost is "moving you"
. But still I felt empty, devoid of my Being. Either he was busy or not interested in working on my return anymore. Meditation was one of the greatest I had in the last few years. And yet I felt no joy, only seriousness and emptyness. Also I avoided mirrors for couple of hours, during that after-state as I was in fear of watching myself into the eyes. Not because of shame or something like that, but because I feared that if I look into my eyes, during this strong hypnotic state, there is a danger that my guardian of the threshold will take a hold of me again and I am not ready to combat him yet.
Was I right doing this or was it just another foolish childish play my mind threw at me?
Even my old, deceased friend, who would visit me with his astral body (in a form of a little boy with golden hair) is not with me anymore. During meditation, astral projection and awakening of my consciousness I would see him in the astral plane, always smiling, always waiting for me, comforting, guiding... I know he was real because he once performed mystical work for my ex wife (to prove to me, as I was sceptical of his exsistence, that he is no illusion of my mind). I won't go into detail, but after that work my wife asked "Do you remember your dream when his (my astral friend's) cat did that and that) and I was astounded when she explained my own dream in detail. After that same or the other day I met him in astral during meditation with astral projection. My doubts where completely gone afterwards.
I often would feel his presence even in mundane life (physically, during the day). Now even he is not there.
I know it sounds all negative and grim. It probably is.
Funny enough recently I tried what you did:
"to know how to suffer
to know how to be silent
to know how to abstain
and to know how to die."
Well atleast the "to know how to be silent" and "to know how to die" part. Firstly "to know how to die". Some of my minor ego was destroyed. But later my other related egos came with a terrible force.
Then after meditation I tried (well not on purpose) "to know how to be silent". I came out of meditation. I was calm and very serious after that. I don't know why, but I also could not force myself to speak. I was unable to speak. I came into main room, where my recent girlfriend was sitting. Somehow she confused this with my anger. Soon after conflict started, and when I was able to speak I reacted badly.
But I do understand what you mean by those four actions.
Is there a conrete practical way to discriminate between Being and the guardian of the threshold? How to know if your intuition was not compromised by the guardian and not to foolishly follow his bidding? Some tricks he does are what you would call "realistic", that of the Being.