Awakening in evil is a very serious thing. In such a state, one is not only inclined towards evil, but is aware, perceptive, cognizant within the conditions of desire, the animal ego or pluralized "I."
In such a state, one astral projects at will within the lunar planes, manipulates and steals energy from others, performs works of sorcery, attends black masses, etc.
Therefore, it is important not to indulge in assumptions, but examine the facts.
Besides, even hardened sorcerers can change if they are sincere.
Defeatism is a serious obstacle for many aspirants. Remorse is necessary, but not defeatism, pessimism, morbidity, and self-flagellation. These constitute egos of shame or inverted pride.
Defeatism has its mechanisms that you must understand through meditation and experience.
The reality is that this work is possible. What it takes is super-efforts and effective methods to really transform oneself and change.
For thirty years I sought God. But when I looked carefully I found that in reality God was the seeker and I the sought. -Bayazid al-Bastami