I have been working on one defect that is having impact on my life since my childhood. Also there is second defect working with that defect so I am working on it too (not so much as on the main one I am focused).
So the thing is that defect tends to hide, I try to provoke it and then I work on it. It seems I almost exhausted all memories of that defect and can't go deeper as I am not that good at meditation yet. And yet I can't comprehend the damage and bad things it has done to me yet (I can speculate, but it is no way the same as comprehending it).
I try to go deeper during my meditation, but tend to get distracted or fall asleep.
I don't have 1 or 2 years of time to be better in meditation and can't work for so long on that defect as it is waste of time (there are thousands and thousands of other defects, when will I destroy those if I work for years only on one defect?) and it will be like pouring water from one cup to another again and again.
So basically what I am asking is how can one go deeper into subconsciousness to comprehend ones defect without working on that defect for years at the same time learning "meditation" little by little? What is the faster way? When one is not adept at meditation?
I don't have time to work on one defect for years, it has been already like 4 or 6 months. What is the shortcut (I am single at the moment, by the way)?
I hope my questions were clear, if you need more elaboration on situation feel free to ask.