Many Gnostic students feel urgency to find the right spouse for alchemy, believing they cannot progress without him or her. However, we should be less worried about trying to control external situations or people and more concerned with understanding our own mind. It is only by changing within that we truly achieve a lasting external change.
Try to relax and to develop patience with your situation. The love of the soul is not dependent on physical proximity. If God wills you to be with this man, it will happen naturally, like a flower blossoming. If we try to squeeze the flower to make it bloom more quickly, we risk killing it. Love does not happen according to our schedule and wishes; when we are internally prepared, God will bring our spouse to us, most likely through a relationship that develops gradually.
Study your mind. The mind projects fantasies that hypnotize us. We imagine a certain person as our spouse, what that would be like, and how we need to orchestrate the progression of events to make this occur—all of that is an illusion. Accept your present reality with faith in the will of your inner divinity, with patience and prayer for insight. It may be that while you invest your energy in trying to force a relationship with one person, another potential partner goes unnoticed. Have peace with reality, and be aware of each moment. Then you can listen to the silent voice in your heart, rather than being tormented by the desires and anxieties of the ego. Comprehend what the ego wants from this situation, and let that desire die. Learn to be happy with what your inner God has given you, and you will have the guidance you need.
"If thou canst not make thine own self what thou desireth, how shalt thou be able to fashion another to thine own liking. We are ready to see others made perfect, and yet we do not amend our own shortcomings."
—Thomas à Kempis