I have a bit of a dilemma. This society I live in requires one to have money, that much is established. I don't know what my 'vocation' is and I don't see anything around me that could use my own 'talents'. And knowing myself I want to live in a very relaxed environment living off of my own sustenance and provisions in village type settings and not working in these industries which are so confusing to me. I have a friend that is making alot of money selling drugs and is willing to aid me in potentially taking part. My mother too has been struggling with money for quite some time now. The problem with me is that I am too oblivious to this and all I really have a desire for is enjoying myself in listening to buddhist music, religious chants, playing video games here and there and walking in the park. Some of those things are spiritual yes but they don't make money. The issue here is that I dont even care. I dont like that I dont care beause my intelligence tells me that may lead to financial problems later on in life. I also feel as though if I were in a different setting in my life which had more colour and beauty I'd somehow be able to nurture my spiritual growth far better than I am now
So then, my question is this. Should I focus on making money and participate with my friend in selling drugs and risk all the legal setbacks and implications it could or couldn't have. Or should I focus on my 'vocation' and if so, can I be instructed on how to find my calling and make a good deal of money from it? It isn't really my mothers situation I am too concerned about as it isn't urgent, it is more that I feel stuck in my spiritual growth. I feel that my ability to grow is hindered if I have the same lifestyle that I do now. For example, coming from a muslim background Music is frowned upon. I want to play the piano, I want to be able to play music aloud in my own house as much as I want. I want to buy good food, I want to walk across miles of fresh grass in some country side or mountain. I want to buy posters of things of a spiritual quality and not have to worry about my brothers and parents thinking it to be heresy of the highest order. I have a very fine taste for these subtle things and they are all hindered and setback if i dont have money! However I worry the karma of selling drugs is strong and can hinder my spiritual growth perhaps even more than this dull and gray situation I have at the moment. Please help
Sorry for going on for so long my question pertaining to selling drugs or not is still the main question. However I thought explaining my situation may give some insight into my situation and you would be able to answer better.