Dealing with the pain of totally being rejected by family members and friends.
I am troubled to a point of true inner self turmoil. I have been in these studies for almost 7 yrs now. I have read many books, listened to countless talks. Applied some of the practices to my life. I understand development is a process, I also understand the basic transformations of unlearning and relearning how to live life is a process.
My son has grown up (21) and totally rejected these teachings that have been taught to him since he was 15. I have always instilled GOD in general in his life, even before thees teachings. Now, He hates me, and calls me verbally abusive. I admit I grew up in a strict household and raised my son in the same. I tell him truth, if what is being said is not to his liking I am verbally abusive.
This same scenerio continuously happens when dealing with friends and family members. Some have called these teachings a cult. LOL.(ridiculous in my opinion) I have to hold back in everything now. I used to blurt words out not thinking how it may effect others feelings, NOW, I try to control my responses sometimes find myself saying less but feeling FAR MORE. and this creates massive turmoil within. I have never liked this planet at all. I grew up in poverty stricken NYC in the 70s. Although my mother moved us out of NYC when I was in my early teens for a better life in Cali. Which in turn lead me to a life of comfort and stability. In short I cannot complain about my physical status of life, at this very moment in my life. Overall I am a happily married 51 yr old. My wife is also a student of these teachings. BUT In truth, I never felt comfortable here (on earth). Meaning, ever since I can remember. The understanding of this way of life on earth, has been totally confusing. Until I came across these teachings. Theres no doubt I will continue these teachings and applying them to my life the rest of my life.
How does one deal with the fallout of rejection by all?
Especially the ones that you love? Meditation has been illusive and stagnet. but I am still trying. Prayer does help but its like a temporary fix. The conflict comes back like a hurricane in my emotional center every time think about my son, or have to deal with ones that know nothing of the teachings or friends and family that totally reject the teachings.
The pressure boils in my emotional center, makes me dislike or even (HATE) this entire world. Its nearly impossible to think of people differently and be happy. I'm not depressed, but I find my self carrying anger sometimes due to truly seeing everything ugly that this world presents as good.