Today, when sleeping I saw myself with black wings and horns. It is just sad.
My whole life feels like a waste.
I know who I am and also the White Lodge knows.
I struggled a lot. It seemed that light is so near, but in the end I failed.
I feel like this life of mine is just to pay karma. And that is all.
Should I live simple life from moment to moment to pay karma and wait for next life?
Even though I am fallen I have never worked with Black Lodge.
Well, you know how it is.
I know meditate work on ego and so on.
But it is hard. It is really hard when you get help, but nearly impossible when karma forbids any for of help.
Have a nice Christmas!